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reddutchgirl 
7:41am, December 24, 2008
Since the weakness has taken over, I have to appreciate the small joys even more. My husband picked me one of my best smelling roses and I have it here on my desk. It is amazing how that smell can erase your mind of all worries. MMMmmmm, sorry had to smell it again. I did love looking at my beautiful bright orange azalea bush, but the happy new Boxer decided that eating half of it would be fun. It's actually funny if you think about it. I know have a cage around it and just hoping that it will come back. Silly puppy.
I feel bad that mommy cannot run with them right now and Vesta is ready everyday. She gets down and ready to leap, but I can't play. I had the neighbor let her out to run his 5 acres yesterday and it was the funniest thing that I have ever seen. She hopped so high, I swear she jumped 6 feet in the air. She came charging at mom, but put on the brakes just in time. Animals know sooner than the docs do that something is wrong. She gave me her grin and took off.
I think being too weak to talk on the phone has helped a great deal. No more unsolicited advice, no more whining about silly things, no more lies. The people that tell the whoppers know who they are and I don't even have the strength to let them think I believe them. I will call you out on it and maybe that's what I need to do. I no longer have to listen to people who tell me they are in more pain than I am. It's not a pissing contest, I wish I could honestly say that pain and fatigue were not a part of my life.
My hawks came down for a visit yesterday. Of course they are not mine, but I feel a kinship with them. The female got close enough that if I could stand on my tiptoes, I would have touched her. The intelligence in those eyes, they must hold all of the universe's secrets. I love watching her to teach the young one how to swoop down while the father is up high serving as the lookout. I cracked up like crazy when these blackbirds thought they would bully a sparrow. That sparrow was taking none of it and it was too funny when momma hawk chased the blackbird off. I have no problem with the blackbirds, but they can be rather cantankerous and it was funny seeing them get some payback.
I'm not going to worry about anything, it won't change things. I'm going to appreciate the small joys and when Duke gets the records, I will go. I'm not going to overdo it by cleaning this house, my MIL is coming to help. When it is all said and done; do they put on your tombstone, "My, she kept a clean house."?
Comments
No, and no one should want that on their tombstone anyway! I say that all the time. I'm sorry to hear you are so weak. Do you think it's from the dx or from a treatment of some kind? I think small joys are what life is all about but that's just my 2 cents. I don't claim to hold any records on vast knowledge LOL. I have an orange azalea bush too. It is one ugly thing when it's not blooming you know? I guess that's why we keep it -- it makes us laugh sometimes. I am glad you are choosing not to worry. You are one amazing woman. I hope you get stronger physically to match your strong frame of mind. love ya, m
mechellebelle
Yes, it all comes down to two things...love and the small joys. I am glad you are immersing yourself in nature, it is peaceful, healing and embraces you totally, it's almost like nothing else exists...except that which you are and those who you love....ah the late night ramblings of a middle aged pagan...that's all you need!
Anyway, just thought I'd check in and see how you are travelling...just had a crazy conference call via Skype with Cosimo (he's in Sicily for the wedding of the century), his eldest boy A (the groom) the bride (lovely Eleanor), L the youngest (we couldn't hear him, but he was listening to us and typing to me) and a vast quantity of Sicilian in-laws, all talking and laughing and carrying on in a most disorganised fashion...pure madness...but quite fun. L, will be flying out of London on Saturday and G (the middle one) is flying from here at around the same time. The wedding is remote from Palermo, the logistics are a nightmare....but I'm sure it will be fine on the day.
I shall be off now for a final cup of tea and plan on having an early (for me) night, curling up in my (empty - boo hoo) bed with a good book. Thinking of you and wishing you well x from Aus.
earthwalker
WELL MY DEAR...IT WAS SURE NICE TO HEAR MATT SAY YOU WERE SLEEPING WHEN I CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT....REST IS WHAT YOU NEED...GET ALL YOU CAN....YEAH,BEST TO NOT WORRY MUCH ABOUT THE HOUSE...LET THE MOTHER IN LAW HELP...THATS WHAT SHE IS COMING FOR.... I AM SURE SHE CARES MORE ABOUT HOW YOU ARE THAN IF YOU CLEANED THE TOILET BEFORE SHE GETS THERE.... I AM A MONSTER IN LAW...AND IF MY DIL WERE GOING THROUGH WHAT YOU ARE AND EVEN THOUGHT OF CLEANING UP ID HAVE TO PUT A BOOT IN HER ASS... SO JUST GIVE IN A BIT AND BE SICK FOR A MINUTE...NOT MUCH LONGER AS YOU MAY BEGIN TO ENJOY ALL THE ATTENTION LAVISHED ON YOU!!!! LORD KNOWS YOU WOULDNT MAKE A VERY GOOD PRINCESS UNLESS OF COURSE YOU WERE WEARIN YOUR COMBAT BOOTS..THEN LOOK OUT DR...] SO STOP WORRYING ABOUT HOW EVERYONE IS GETTING ON....JUST WORRY ABOUT YOU....GETTING WELL IS GOING TO TAKE EVERY BIT OF STRENGTH YOU HAVE...SO GET ON WITH IT....HAHAHAHA... HEY BARENDREGT... I WANT TO SEE YOU MOVIN LIKE POND WATER!!!!!! SO GET TO THE COUCH!!!!! LOVE YA... OH YEAH WHEN YOU ARE FEELIN BETTER I THINK WE SHOULD ALL HAVE A PISSIN CONTEST AS IT MIGHT BE FUN....OUR LUCK MAYBE NOT...WE JUST MIGHT END UP WITH PEE IN OUR SHOES..... LOVE YOU...HUGS AND KISSES...ME
Helyn
Yes Kim, You are so right. Only do what is important for your health and well being. Channel all your energy toward what you love, because that really is all that is important. I am so glad you are allowing your family to help and it makes me feel somewhat relieved since I can't offer practical help. Hope you have a peaceful evening. I am going to watch the season finale of "Ugly Betty". It is so silly and childish, but it makes me laugh and remember being around 13. It really is a night time soap opera, but I like it. LOL!!! Hope you can find something that takes your mind off of everything, and no serious stuff. Comedy is good...laughter is good. I am not a funny person so can't tell jokes if my life depended on it, but I think my dogs constantly make me laugh with their antics, just like your menagerie of pets. Love you dear friend! Toshie
kokoinmn