Ladybug7's Journal

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. 

Some come from ahead and some come from behind.              
But I've bought a big bat.  I'm all ready you see. 
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me! 
~Dr. Seuss

I love the quote above, and I wish I had the courage and determination of Dr. Suess.  Over the past couple of months, my bipolar illness had become more manageable, and I had started to see glimpses of what I would call “stability.”  But just as I was beginning to think that I was entering a period of remission and renewed hope, the rest of my world started turning upside down.

My hubby was diagnosed over ten years ago with multiple sclerosis, and I knew he had the illness when I married him in October 2008.  Relapsing-remitting MS is similar to bipolar illness in that a) it affects the brain, b) it waxes and wanes, with alternating periods of wellness and illness, and c) there is no known cure.  I knew that there was a strong possibility of his symptoms returning, but since he was having extended periods of wellness (i.e. years), I wasn’t expecting him to get sick so soon.  For a couple of months now, his symptoms have returned, and he constantly has leg numbness, muscle spasms, and mild speech and walking problems.  He went to a neurologist, who put him on three days of Solu-Medrol and ordered a round of MRIs to determine if his illness had progressed.  At his follow-up appointment on June 30, we learned that he has a new acute MS plaque in his brain and several plaques on his spinal cord.  The new plaque in his brain is responsible for the new symptoms.  The MRIs also revealed mild degenerative disc disease, but my understanding is that people generally experience that as they age.  For the MS, the neurologist has prescribed Copaxone, which from most accounts seems to be helpful, yet with scary side effects like severe chest pain and heart arrhythmias.   

In addition to concerns about my hubby, I am scared to death about my mom.  I just returned from a visit to see my family.  I knew that my mom hadn’t been feeling well, but I didn’t know the full extent of her symptoms.  She doesn’t like to cause me to worry, particularly because she thinks stress will make my bipolar symptoms worse (she’s right).  I was stunned at how much weight my mom has lost, and she explained that she has been bleeding, along with having other gastrointestinal symptoms.  I’m afraid that she may have colon cancer.  My sister and I finally convinced her to see a GI doctor, and she has an appointment on July 7th.  I hate being so far away from her at a time like this!!!

Finally, in addition to dealing with my family’s illness, I am experiencing rejection from my hubby’s family.  Initially, when they heard about my bipolar diagnosis, they were stunned, yet sympathetic.  His great-aunt and sister-in-law even sent me nice cards with prayers and encouragement.  However, they recently have decided that I have made up my bipolar diagnosis because I “don’t act bipolar.”  They also indicated that had they known that I might be bipolar, they wouldn’t have supported our marriage.  All of this really hurts, because I really like his family and want them to accept me.  What does it mean exactly to “act bipolar?”  Do they feel that I’m not bipolar because I smile a lot and always seem happy…because I am very accomplished at hiding how I feel?  Maybe they have this stereotypical image of how a bipolar individual should act, and I don’t act that way?

In any event, I’m trying to have faith that through my prayers (the biggest bat I have) and the prayers of others, my mom and my hubby will be well again.  And hopefully, over time, my hubby’s family will come to understand the different faces of bipolar, and that we all deserve love and acceptance exactly the way that we are.