Ladybug7's Journal

I just returned from a wonderful visit with my family.  I miss them so much!  I'm fortunate that they are supportive and accepting of the fact that I am struggling with bipolar illness, even though they do not always understand the symptoms I am experiencing.  It is often their phone calls, emails, and prayers that keep me going.

After much thought, I finally decided that my in-laws should know about my illness as well.  Recently, my hubby and I were going to make a trip to visit them, but on that day, I was much too sick to go.  So, after my urging, my hubby went without me.  I had been extremely concerned about the stigma I would face from them once they knew about my illness.  However, I don't want to hide my illness anymore.  For one, it's hard on my hubby not having anyone close to him who knows about my illness to "vent" to.  Also, how can I support others who have the illness if I am not willing to admit to them that I have it as well?

According to my hubby, his family was much more accepting of the fact that I have bipolar illness than what we were expecting.  However, I fully anticipate that the next time I see them (or before), they will have lots of questions and some uncertainty as to how to act.  Hopefully, they will gain a better understanding of the illness by reading the book we gave them ("Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder," by Julie Fast and Dr. John Preston).  This is definitely one of the best books for bipolar "beginners" that I have ever read!  I also plan on sharing as much as I can from personal experience once I feel well enough to do so in person. 

As far as my illness is concerned, it hasn't released its firm grasp on me yet.  Dysphoric mania is still my worst enemy.  My cycles seem to come every 3-4 days now, but there are very few days when I can say that I am completely "stable."  My pdoc had originally scheduled me for an appointment earlier this month, but then sent a letter to cancel and automatically rescheduled me for another day.  No matter how I looked at it, sending a letter revealed a lack of compassion, poor customer service, or both.  Because the rescheduled appointment was during the time that I would be out of the area, I had to call and reset the meeting for tomorrow.

At this point, I'm pretty certain that my dosage of Lamictal will either have to be increased or I will have to add on another medication.  I still consider Lamictal to be my life-saver, because it has (for the most part) taken me out of the deep caverns of despair and allowed me to claim some of my life back.  I still have a long, long way to go, but I refuse to give up.