chgomomma's Journal

Well...it's prose. It's graphic, so if you're not up for detail, or being able to understand my trauma. Don't read it. I had it published, and this is the last place I will be sharing it as part of my healing process. Once I post, I won't be reading it again.

Keep in mind, December 29th is the day my father was gone forever.

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December 29th

Oh God, it's not really happening
the beginning of the end

I screamed and grabbed my legs,
till my knuckles turned white, I grabbed so hard, I broke my pen
they day the detective called me at work about my dad

They gather around me, I puked on the floor
I kept screaming, till my boss took the phone

Somehow I got composed enough, to find a way there
to his house, I don't remember the ride
or what time
I just remember the sickness that began to build up inside

The one person that was my world, my all
that I took care of, that was my best friend was gone
had finally, fought his last battle
and this time lost

We pulled up, it had begun to rain
his truck, red, a Ford was parked in its usual spot in the driveway
I was paralyzed,

I got out of the car and a detective greeted me,
Ms. Vlack, you're John's daughter?

Yes
he grabbed my hand, now you don't have to do this

But I owed him more than that, so he took me inside.

I'll never forget that smell, atleast two days worth of death, maybe only one

There was a door, closed leading to the hallyway to his bed room,
the Tv was on blaring as he had always had it, I swaer to God I even wondered then what the hell was he doing with it that loud

The detective looked at me, ma'am you're white as a ghost, this is pretty bad,
you don't have to do this, I mean, gosh its your dad

I said no, I have to ...please open the door,

it was all in slow motion, the door first revealed his feet,
his legs, all purple and blue
he had no pants on, becvause he had ran, it looks liek from the bathroom to get the phone

His hair was all disheleved, from the fall, his glasses a foot away from him

I screamed, I ran down that hall and crumpled like a little girl by his side
heaving, screaming these awful sounds I had never hear before

The detective tried to get me up as I reached for his hand, I just want to touch him,
cover him up one last time please God, please just let me

The detective said ma'am I'm sorry, its not a good idea, and he cried trying to hold me up as I screamed daddy, daddy, please God don't let this be