hey havent had internet sorry. …
hey havent had internet sorry. not doing all that well having issuse with parents. not sure what to do. to tell it …
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arihanna 
3:32pm Wednesday
I finally went thru Ari's stuff!!!!!! Go me!!!! I am very happy and relieved I have been putting it off for a year. Everything isn't quite put away yet, but I'm working on it, I emptied out her crib, took it down, and set up the new crib for Baby TY, honestly I think if I wasn't pregnant than I wouldn't have touched Ari's room, I would have just let it sit like that for years, so this is one thing so far that Baby Ty has helped me with, it was so therapeutic, but so sad at the same time. I miss my baby girl so much. Tell me if I'm crazy or not, the bottle I made for her that morning, I had set it down in the corner of her crib so I had two hands to pick her up, well when I realized that she was gone, I all hell broke loose, that bottle sat there in her crib since March 29th 2008, I know that sounds nasty, but for some reason it doesn't stink it just looks nasty, but I can't find myself to throw it away...am I nuts or what?...what am I going to do with it, its a year old bottle of formula...but I can't find myself to get rid of it. In Baby Ty's crib there are 3 bears..one pink and small angel bear, one bear wearing an angel gown holding a heart that says "hugs from heaven" and the other is a blue bear blanket given to me by two very dear friends, it says "hugs from heaven Arihanna" I just love it. I can't wait for Baby Ty to come, but I am a bit nervous, I know I am a good mommy but after losing Ari I can't help but to second guess myself. I have to get some of my confidence back, I have to do it for Ari and Baby Ty!!
T is going in for surgery today, he is getting a colostomy bag(if you want details on what it is I can let you know) placed, he was very against this in the beginning, but now after talking to the docs and going thru everything we've been thru in the past 5-6 weeks, he decided to go ahead and get one, it will help him get back to a semi normal life for now. he will only have it in for 3-4 months, so that's great news. I am sad that I can't be down there with him, this is the 1st of many surgeries that he's had that I havent' been right at his side when he went in and waiting there for him when he woke up. It make me very very sad and I feel guilty for not being there, but I have run out of time at work, and someone has to keep the food on the table, so I am stuck here...argh!!! Please keep him in your prayers today, this is going to be hard on him physically and mentally.
Miss Ari, little mamas..thanks you so much for showing daddy some happiness, he was so down for so long, I love that he is finding some hope and joy. Stick close to him today, I can't be with him thru his surgery so I need you to watch over him. I hope you have a great time at Leif's bday party in heaven, I know you angel babies willbe laughing, dancing and eating lost of heavenly sweets. Today is a hard day for Jaenelle's mommy and daddy, they miss her very much, tell her to make sure she sends them lots of angel kisses and maybe a sign or two. Please watch over us and keep our family safe, thank you so much for sending us Baby Ty, he looks just like Bubba, I bet you did that on purpose, seeing as you guys were together all the time..heehee I hope you like how we decorated your room for Baby TY, it was very hard going thru all your stuff, but you gave me the strength to get thru it. I love you so much little mamas!!! We miss you so much!!! Love you always and forever, Mommy
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I know that Ari will watch over T. That is her job now...and I'm sure that she is excellent at it. Kudos on going through the things...we have our house up for sale and I think that i am going to pay someone to come in and move it all to storage...where I will leave it until I am ready to look. Thanks for the inspiration.
armmom
I say take the bottle & seal it well in a ziploc bag & then maybe put it in a small tupperware container & then KEEP IT. You shouldn't throw away anything that you don't want to!
Leosmommy
Good for you Julia. I have went through some of Joey's stuff but still have a lot to finish. His crib is filled with everything from the funeral. I think you should keep anything you want. Who is to say that you are wrong for keeping that bottle. I have lots of things that I feel that way about. Do what is best for you and dont let anyone tell you that is wrong.
Will be keeping T in my thoughts and prayers today. Hopefully he can get feeling better.
Fantonme
i zip locked everything that smelled like Nathan. i agree don't throw away anything you don't want to
Moosesmom
Good job hun! I know how hard that must of been and yah I would keep the bottle as long as you want! You and T will be in my prayers!
MRNmom
I too have a zip lock of Shane's clothing that smell like him and a t-shirt of mine that has his spit up all over it. I had a hard time throwing out all my frozen breast milk, I say keep it if you want.
sweetbabyshane
That’s wonderful! I’m glad you started to make room for precious little by Ty! For some reason putting away Daniel’s stuff was one of the first things we did. It was really hard for me; I remember having my heart in my throat! Sorry you won’t be with T! I’ll be praying for him! He’ll do just fine!!
CarysDaniel
You are not crazy. I just went through Makynna's things a few weeks ago and I realized that her feeding bag and suction catheter was still lying in her crib from that morning. I kept anything that had secretions or spit up on them. I couldn't help it, it came from her. I had also kept some of her hair and so I have those things to keep me as close as possible to her. You know what is right and don't let anyone tell you different.I am praying for your family.
Shellpl2
I am so proud of you!! I know thats a very big step! I know that Ari is proud of mommy too. I am praying that all goes well with T! BIG HUGS!!!
Akisha
I had a bottle of breastmilk in my refrigerator for a year also. I couldn't throw it away.
rtorres66
Oh Jules!!! I love this journal. You have come so far in your grief. You are an inspiration. Good job. Ari would be so proud that her mommy can be happy.
LaylaF