deeds1's Journal

Well..It's getting to be the hardest time of the year...the holidays...for all my problems..it touches base on them all..... me missing my mom...my seperation (going on almost a year)..my anxiety...but this year..I'm going to try and keep it simple and happy as can be.  I'm decorating this year, but not using any of the decorations I used with my husband over the years.I'm keeping a few sentimental items that I recieved as gifts from others..but everything else is either being pitched or given to good will.  I have decided this year to finally go up in my parents attic since my mom died (6 years) and go thru the decorations that we used as a family over the years and use them....it's going to be hard, but my dad and brother said they would help me go thru things...I'll need their support..but I think it's something I need to do.  I can't handle staring at all the things that my soon to be ex and I had thru the years...

He still has choosen the route of ignoring me, not wanting to talk to me..I get a text maybe once a month now.  if that...I can say it's getting easier..but it's not..I have just learned how to deal with it better.  I actually was driving to lunch the other day, and he was in front of me, and I actually had to guess if it was him or not, because i forgot what the back of his car looked like...weird.  but he had a sticker in the window that confirmed it was him.  It made me sick to my stomach, and I was hoping "she" wasn't in the car with him...I probably would of plowed him from behind if she was...(not really..but it was fun to think about)..lol

take care to all who read this..