deeds1's Journal

well..it's been over 4 months since I laid eyes on my husband...he is choosing the route of ignoring me and carrying on in his life like nothing happened.  He's still with her..I get text messages every so often, him telling me he misses me and loves me...why does he do that???? he doesn't miss and love me...if he did he would of wanted to make this marriage work.  The question i have is why am I dragging my feet contacting the lawyer? Do I really think this is going to work itself out?  I don't think at this point I can ever forgive and definately can't forget...but I still miss him, I miss our old life...I cry daily...I don't know how to deal with it at times..wondering what I did so bad in my life to deserve this.  I always dreamed of being married and being in love, and living happily ever after...now I'm in this nightmare that won't go away.  I just need so much strength at times, and sometimes have no clue where to find it...i guess just a bad gloomy day..