frenchy98's Journal

We are still waiting to hear back from the dr. This wait is killing me. Im telling you I am way past my breaking point and I just dont know how much more I can deal with this year. I dont know what I did to deserve this life. I know that sounds silly but my gosh this year alone has been one heartache after another. I mean come on. I lost my uterus because of my stupid endo and health issues, A blow out, losing my ma, my grandma, my house catching fire, sam losing his night job, fighting the insurance company, and to top it off i made a major mistake in the bank account somewhere along the line. Sam got paid friday and according to the bank we only have 9.15 in there. according to my checkbook we should have 368.00 We live off of 346.00 a week we dont qualify for food stamps or any assistance. I cant work due to my medical issues and now its a possibility my beautiful baby girl could have leukemia. She has been thru pure hell ever since she was born. She was born 8 weeks premature we were told by the drs to let her die she would be nothing but a burden and I have fought to keep her alive. Im not about to stop now. She is my life, my livelyhood. She means the world to me and I would NEVER EVER give up on her. She has had more surgeries and hospitalizations than birthdays and yet she keeps being put thru hell. She has had her tonsils and adenoids removed, 8 sets of ear tubes, open heart surgery at 26 mths, autism, a stroke losing all her speech, as well as having right sided weekness. Hospitalized for 10 days for rsv, fought the dr's about her needing a trach only to find out that it was only reflux and a trach would never have helped her to begin with.
we are still waiting on the damn mortgage company to send the check back.

And if I hear one more well meant comment about
God never gives you more than you can handle
or
this is the devils way of testing your faith
or
you need to pray harder
or
God got your attention this time didnt he?
I am going to go balistic. I cannot believe this person thought that losing everything and going thru what our family has in the last year was Gods way of getting my attention. Because that blows my faith and beliefs out the window. I didnt know a God that is suppose to be so loving can be vindictive. ya know what I mean?
My faith is slowly going out the window. I understand everyone here has trials and tribulations to face but jeez I have been thru hell my entire life and I dont understand why I have to keep having bad stuff happen. Im terrified about my hearing. I am so afraid of another denial. Im afraid of waiting almost 2 years just to be told denial again. My lawyer seems to think I have a very strong case but I am so afraid he could be wrong. And Im scared to death of losing my beautiful baby girl and her having to be put thru pure hell again.

If you dont hear from me for awhile its because our internet was shut off. Im hoping that I can get the check from the mortgage company soon so that I can get our house fixed and have some to play catch up on the bills with.
I can access the internet and facebook and myspace from my phone but not the board due to all the graphics and ads. As it isnt a crackberry. Its just a simple motorola.

Sorry to vent and go on and on. I didnt want to post or bring anyone down just need to vent and get it out.