fuck knows
February 8, 2009 11:23pm
Im just an insane raver, ya may not like what you see when u look at me, but open ya eyes look at the brighter side of life, Im nothin like that …
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spikycrys2
6:21pm, November 2, 2008
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About Me
spikycrys2
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About Me
Hi i'm sara, I'm a gay girl frm bristol, Recantly moved into my own flat, I've been a self harmer since the age of 6, But i've totaly addicted since the age of 9, I've had deppression since 9yrs old, Im cryin out for help but the words dont come, Am lookin 4 the real me trapped inside, But i am happy wit my sexualty since a young age, I jst need to find the part of me tht is still missin, was taken yrs ago. I do hide behind a smile an ave learnt to be gd, But im broken behind these brown eyes!
Hi i'm sara, I'm a gay girl frm bristol, Recantly moved into my own flat, I've been a self harmer since the age of 6, But i've totaly addicted since the age of 9, I've had deppression since 9yrs old, Im cryin out for help but the words dont come, Am lookin 4 the real me trapped inside, But i am happy wit my sexualty since a young age, I jst need to find the part of me tht is still missin, was taken yrs ago. I do hide behind a smile an ave learnt to be gd, But im broken behind these brown eyes!
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Interests
I enjoy music, i also like makin noise wit my guiters, Spendin time wit my animals, My hampsters an my cat sox Hes everything to me, i Enjoy art though it can scare me at times, (the end project) mental minds as me n my best mate always say, Writing (even tho i never let them be seen) Bein around my mates (the feelin of actully bein safe bliss) An ridin round bristol on my bmx, This keeps my frm ending it all. an a gd hat or belt will get me to the shops, I love gettin new hats i ave a big passion
I enjoy music, i also like makin noise wit my guiters, Spendin time wit my animals, My hampsters an my
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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when it all comes out, why do you find tht ppl can be so f'in blind!
December 29, 2008 11:41pm
panic/spiky/rara.
on a ramble
come on, tast this bitch, I can't spit,
but I can wright you a lyric a …
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leave me now
December 20, 2008 8:16pm
Take me away,
Take me from this nightmare I see everytime I shut my eyes,
Take my body and use it for what you will,
Take my life and make it what …
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love u love u love u never gunna fucking stop am I am.....
December 15, 2008 12:15am
not saying anything has changed I still feel nasty and abused, Love is so fucked up dont you think, I cant stand it never will I give my heart again, …
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dunno if its wot i reli wants but I feel this now
November 22, 2008 10:38pm
I didnt think I could make it,
I didnt think I could see myself happy without by myside,
But lastnight I felt myself for the first time in months,
I …
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Hugbook
Flower
hope you r ok ive not been on here for a while, im not too bad but having issues with my weight now i dont eat during the day now i just have water, but i have to eat in the evenings so my hubby doesnt know what iam doing. hope you are ok hugs xx
Hug
xams was good. ok have a great week
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how are u?
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Cheers
happy holidays
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hope u feel better
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
My friendship with a blade started when i was jst about 6yrs old, Though I did hide it frm my family, Its was tough in school, I have never really spoke of why i cut or pull out chunk of hair, My only response is "its easyer then cryin, An its the feelin of emptyness after. I'm almost 26, an i have come along why since thn, A yr or so ago, I went to get help, rebuild my life all over again, its been gd, an i have learnt not to cut, Its been 4wks an 2 days since i last hurt.But its hard!
Treatments
- Group Therapy Too Soon to Tell
- this is gd but i find it hard, As i have never been heard b4, An i dnt say alot, im really shy, An confused. I feel all tight after a session an get a rage an my arm starts to hurt, I need to get over my fear.
- Talking Considering
- its just not easy, I frezz up an my body gets, tight an angry
- Tattoos Working / Worked
- this helps an i have 3 now But i find my bank dnt ike it. I always feel gd after a tat or a piercin
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionhi, was told i had depression when i was jst 9yrs old, My family never talked to me about it, They jst say oh why u gotta be dwn about ur a bloody child, I have a skin condtion, whitch is cused by stress, ive had this since i was 12, I also self harm, I feel guilt an angry but deep in pain, i miss my family but they jst dnt c me, I can never saywhy i ave this depression cuz i dnt even know, But i do know they all play apart in my mental health, As do i, i done bad things, Ive sent myself crazy.
Treatments
- Prozac Not Working
- this did not help, I was put on these first 10, an was taken off thm in a result of suide attempt,
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- in my 26 yrs of livin this life i have seen about 23 councilers an i ave always ran when i start to get to the old stuff.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- my mates r m support, An workers of thc, Without these ppl in my life i might not be here to day. My cat givin me all the love he can
- Writing Working / Worked
- helps sumtimes, but im scared to show it!
Open Anxiety
ive always sufferd panic attacks but i never spoke like i dont speak to anyone on how i feel, I keep it all inside, i hate big croweds sends me crazy, I was told about the anxiety after a meetin with amy doc, i let everything out told her jst how my life was an how i dnt sleep, I run frm love n mates, I cut to easy the pain, they put me on loads of tablets now i am some gd course, But life is still a struggle as im not sure on how to cope outside. hard to breath an everything spins, flash bks
Treatments
- Atarax Working / Worked
- ive been takin these 4 about 5yrs nw they do help.
- Remeron Working / Worked
- was takin zispin an it worked so well, I changed doc an he thn said i was to try swollowin tabllets an put me on mirtazapine, they work jst as wel but takes lil long to settle for bed. side effect sleep all day tho.
Open Sexual Abuse
I have not come to terms with This an is hard to share right now..
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- this is workin well, I have been goin to an art group on an off 4 the last year an a bit, An its so chilled out an easy, I will be going to college to studie art sumtime in near futer.
- Group Therapy Too Soon to Tell
- I ave been a few places, But i ave never stayed as i cant find my vice, But i ave found a womans group and i ave been a few times nw and gettin to thm, So im hopin im ready now
- Leave Somewhat Helpful
- been gd but im still holdin the lie, An its tearin me up inside
- Music Working / Worked
- i luvs greenday when im stressin an pink when i need to be chillin not goin mad, And i need music to see me through any day, I play guitar real bad but it dont shout if i hurt the strings or not.
- Talking Too Soon to Tell
- not really ever spoke but i ave been learnin
- \"The Courage To Heal\" Working / Worked
Open Shyness
i hate to talk in groups, i panic when in a crowd, i freeze up an my words r mumbeled and i make no sence to ppl around me, I am never the 1st one to talk, I hide in the bk ground hopin no one spots me, Im unsafe an need to get let this go but i find sosososo hard, I only hurt ppl when i open my mouth, so i guess i lost my voice... I talk to my blade tht as far as i go.
Treatments
- DailyStrength Too Soon to Tell
- i can type most things but i cant open up, I really hurt
- Pets Working / Worked
- i have a cat an a hampster an they r all i need, My cat brought a lot of atention to me when i lived at thc an i began to open up, But i have just moved an its so diffrent now, Cat never gos out..
- Self-esteem Considering
- it never workded at school, So why wud it now
- Self-help Too Soon to Tell
- dont like it BUt i ave to try
- Socializing Somewhat Helpful
- like goin clubbin wit my mates, But i hade behind a smile i never really chat less im so wasted i dont know i doin it.
Open Lesbian Relationship Challenges
i've been openly gay as they say 4 almost 15yrs an still cant get the fact tht ppl see me as a young boy, I have had a few "gd" r ships but only my first still holds my heart, Now how can i ever jst let go An feel safe again jst like in herr arms.
Open Eczema
I've had bad eczema 4 most of my life, They now say its something called prigo dunno if thts how u spelt it, But its brought on by stress whitch to my family this is something they can take this piss an make jokes like u big scab, Its all over my legs an arms even round my lower bk an belly, This effects my everyday, I cant even look at myself These days.
Treatments
- Aloe Vera Not Working
- makes my skin hurt
- Betamethasone (Topical) Working / Worked
- betnovate is gd when i am led in bed wit pain, But turns everything yellow grr. I've had alot oevr the yrs but cream can help
Open Panic Attacks
have suffered frm a young age, an i still dnt understand it!
Treatments
- Zoloft Working / Worked
Open Bipolar Disorder
have recently been told!!
Open Marijuana Addiction & Recovery
been smoking since i was 9 an I jst truned 26 an still smoke it for the reasons I started an I still smoke just as much if not much more, It takes over, I lose sight of everything if I havnt had a smoke to start the day off
