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jenmarie410 
10:55am, August 4, 2008
To write my story here in this journal. Because I feel safe. And now that I am remembering, maybe I can fill in some blanks. The story is so long...from the assault to the police trauma... but I think I can do it. Soon. More healing to come. I am at work right now. Feeling pretty positive. I just get frustrated because it has been over 5 years. And how am I not over this? I have read in the PTSD survivors Handbook that it's because of the 2nd wounding by the police/DA, etc....Hmmm....I'm on the road to recovery. I have to do this. For me. For my daughter. For my relationships. Sometimes I don't feel like anyone knows how I feel. Like I have this HUGE secret in me. Like I'm some damaged girl. I mean, I know lots of girls who are survivors of Sexual Assault and they seem fine. Why is it on my mind a lot? I'm working on it. That's all I can do. For now.
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Have no/low pain!
Progress 55%
Encouragements: 1
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I understand. When I went to report the rape, a lot of my co-workers, boss, and investigator said damaging things about not believing me, that really sent me on a downward spiral to hating myself. In the end I believe the investigator believed me, it's in my journal. But anyway, I do know what you are going through, and it is HARD, but life is so beautiful and you will be brought out of this. You will come out of this stronger, smarter, better, and I firmly believe that. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You may not feel it now, but you will look back one day and realize it. I hope the best for you!
Rain2325
i know were you are coming from have been in counseling for almost 10 years and sometimes I wonder if it will ever get better some people tell me just to forget that it happened and put it behind me that it is over well easier said than done. I hope for the best for all rape victims after all we are survivors even though sometimes it dosent feel like it
rachelle403
honey, im sorry for what you've been through and i can relate! you are such a strong person, i hope things get better for you! if you ever want to talk, i would love to talk with you! i was sexaully assaulted when i was really little by my uncle and i still have nightmares.
BrokenFairyWings
isnt it so strange how we really hold onto our secrets? we worship them at our own internal alter of secrets, if you will. its so interesting. well i wish you luck on your raod to recovery.
Madicakes
I think other survivors think about it more than we know. I hope so. I can't stop thinking about it, either.
EmK89
It haunts us for a long time. I just recently learned to let it go. It's a long spiritual journey. It's a road worth the travel. I'm proud of you for walking in spite of it. You will get there. There are more women than we know out here going through this things.
smileymom