Join Now
Meekacat 
7:52pm, November 8, 2009
It's rediculous that I let all of these things get me down. What is wrong with me? Somehow, I've lost sight of my true blessings and have allowed the deamons to take over. I will not be a victim to all of this crap. I am done with the darkness...enen if I have to light a candle, I WILL! When I allow other peoples actions to dictate me emotionally, I will always be circling that dark hole. I'm bursting out and I will tell myself every day that I deserve to be happy. I had another 4 day Lupus Flare and I have sores in my mouth and on my scalp and still the low grade fever and of course the constant pain. But I realized there are so many great things in my life and giving in to the stresses only makes me more ill. The paralell between the flares and stress are so obvious. There are so many people here in DS that have much more dire circumstances.
This always seems to be part of my recovery from dark depression...hating myself and then seeking out my blessings and truly being thankful. It sounds so simple, but until my brain can regrasp it, each time, I'm lost. It seems to be a condition with no memory. It baffles me. I'm putting on the green face and holding tight. Thank you friends. 
Comments
I think you are allowed to feel what you are feeling & to let it ALL out. I will always be here to listen & don't you ever fill bad!! Time heals all......and it will happen for you......because you are a GREAT PERSON & FRIEND.......
Love & Hugs, Deb
heick
Hope you feel better soon. Remember spring is coming, and better times are ahead for you, with your new accomodation. Try to get outside, when the weather improves. Hugs
smartygirl2
it seems that you are human! Isn't it great that our heavenly father forgives? Accepting that you are capable of ups as well as downs is a great start.
Hope you are feeling better.
andrews
My sister and I were talking the other day and gave ourselves permission to crawl into bed, pull the blankets over our heads and wallow in pity when we felt the need. Then, we were to get up, start a hot bath, finding a good book and spend one hour reading in the bath. After than, a good meal followed by some creative activity like knitting or painting. We both found creative activities help us focus on more positive aspirations.
Cybercatxq
Good for you! I'm in the same boat, stress brings on my bipolar. Put the green face on and have a good day.
Ok, you inspired me, I'll do the same. My Scandinavian reserve will only let me put up the light gree face though!
freeheeler
Sometimes it all gets a bit overwhelming, no matter if we are considered "healthy" or not! You are such a strong and together woman, even if you don't always see it yourself. I am sorry to read you are having a tough time, healthwise and personally. There is light at the end of every dark tunnel...just hang in there and know you are loved.
earthwalker
you are such a trooper... my toughts and prayers are with you my friend... much love and hugzzz... karen :)
ducktape
I hope you are feeling like yourself again. & enjoying what you can, in this life. Love & miss ya JC
jeannettecourtney
You're making complete sense to me, Sandra. That is what I believe. Our bodies reflect our minds. Keep working on your mind and spirit. One day you won't even be able to see the dark hole let alone be afraid of sliding into it.
Many prayers and blessings my friend,
Sally
windymustang
Bless you Sandra. I hope you get to feeling better soon. Hold on tight. ((HUGS))
Kim
Jollyk1
There definitely is a connection with your pain and stress same with me and my Fibro. I know it is easier said then done as we both suffer with different pain. Yoga really helps me. smooches You go girl, You can do this
emeila