sharebeauty2's Journal

So I have been out there dating again...

I know I need to wait for physical intimacy, but why is that so hard for me??

I go on 1,2 sometimes even three dates and if I am attracted to a man etc...

I allow physical intimacy, WHY! If I like them and think there is a possibility of a good relationship forming, why can't I wait. To often in the heat of the momment I go to far

and I feel like I have failed.

I have a great guy I just met because I was house hunting and he had a house.

We met I , he should me the house and we ended up hiting it off. So we went out the

next day. Had a blast talked drove all over, He wanted to see the area where I wanted

to have my B&B. So we drove over 200 miles, spent the day together..had a great

romatic dinner and he drove me home. We talked all day and got to know each other

it was fun and it felt so great. half way through the day we were walking and he reached

down and took my hand. teasing he said I know you were to shy to do it so I thought

I would help you out. We talked about both of us falling for someone easily and how we

were both really not looking for a relationship right now.

I know I want one I just know I am not quit ready to dive right in.. Maybe it is a fear of

commitment due to trust issues. It is easier to have sex and know it will lead no where.

But I do think I need to figure it out before I do Dive in.

SO anyway the great guy and I happen to have great chemistry. I was proud of myself

because we had great chemistry and we kissed..and it was like electricity.

Once we touched we couldn't stop touching...So when he invited me to come back to

his place and spend the night...even assured me it would be me sleeping in the bed

and him on the Couch. I said no. I knew it would lead elsewhere and any chance of a relationship  down the road would be lost. THen I had to mess with a good thing.

THe next day we got together to discuss the house and I helped him seed his lawn..

We ended up back at his house and we made soup , listened to french music and

talked somemore... All the while when he was right next to me all I wanted was for him

to kiss me. He did eventually and we both went wow, we can't do this...and went back to

working or whatever we were doing at the momment... It happened a few more times

then I sat down to away from him to read the paper..

I will spare the details, neddless to say I didn't leave there till the next morning...

He even packed me a lunch for work and gave me shirt to wear.

All the while saying he didn't want to get involved.

So this is where I am ...two days later he helped me move to a temporary home while

I wait for my house. We have talked just about everyday on the phone.

THe statement I don't want to get involved keeps coming up for both of us...

I can't help but think we should try hard to keep this at a friend stage if we can...

I am afraid if I spend more time with him I will end up loving him...and wanting to be

intimate..So now what??

We ended up