Journal

Had a couple rough days since last time I wrote, bt today has been really great. This is my last week of summer classes and both my final exams are this Friday (hopefully they go well). Hard to find timeto get prepared for them though considering I work everyday this week and I have to write 2 papers by Friday and then I'm supposed to be going to class everyday.

I resisted going out to get food to binge though so I feel super happy about that. I feel clean.

And this good day is in the midst of a aweful and embarassing happening concerning ED, which I'm planning on writing bout soon. I think it will be a good idea to write it down and sort my thoughts out that way and level out my emotions, since writing has usually helped with things like this.

Anyways, back to school work!

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Just got back from work, and I feel terriffic! I have eaten well today and resisted the urge to b/p. Driving home from work I actuallydid an excercise: turned off the radio and talked to myself (sorry, I know it sounds creepy lol) aboutmy happiness and honesty until I got to my apartment building. It reallllly helped as I didn't even think about the grocery store I pass on the way, to which I've been going nearly every night for binge foods. I was totally emersed in my speech! 

Well, that's all folks!

So, today was a huge relief from the long-standing "rut' I've been in. But to call it a "rut" would be a GROSS understatement, but I don't feel like whining right now. Anyway, I actually feel some motivation today and it started with last night. I said to myself: tomorrow you will actively think about recovery and start the day with something positive. And I did it.

This morning, I hd an apple, 2 slices of bread, and a whole little plastic carton of cherry tomatoes. But, the bread freaked me out sice I havebeen severely binging lately so I purged some of that up. Then I took my vitamins. BUT, I immediately got on the computer and watched a youtube pro-recovery vid for eds and it was wonderful, just what I needed.

Then, I went to go see Adam (he's taking classes here now so we don't have to do the whole long distance thing) and we took a nap. I slept for 3 HOURS!! God, I have needed that so badly b/c I've been staying up really late b/ping everyday ever since I got back here (school for summer classes), but I am STILL tired. It was really nice to see him b/c I've been going to class then work and haven't been able to go over to his place, partly b/c I've been too tired though. Well, we made brownie, and they we fantastic! I really do love his desserts. He is really paarticular about them and he makes them as fat-free as possible. We usually end up polishing up the desserts we make that day lol, but the funny thing is that I feel safe to do that if I'm with him and he makes the dessert.

Now that I'm back at my apt, I've been snacking on veggies and I feel healthy, which I havent felt for a while.

Anyways, just felt like updating happy. Now I have to study; I have a test in geography tomorrow!