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Kimberley49 
Soooooo... today is Mom's birthday. She would have been sixty-two. Today more than ever I realize that she was entirely too young. That aside, need a venting place for what just occured...
So, Mom worked for department of corrections... a friend/co-worker of hers just stopped by to bring me a card/flowers. The front door entry way is immidiately adjacent to the living room. In immidiate line of site was my BONG.
She never said anything, but acted super uncomfortable and got out of here quick. Can't say for certain if she saw it, and it's not like I'm going to be arrested or anything... but...
FUCK.
I feel bad about it.
Really bad.
Like I just let my Mom down on her birthday of all days.
Mom hated that I smoked pot (mostly for professional reasons... she smoked pot recreationally in her forties, long before her career in law enforcement). She would have been humiliated if this happened while she was still alive.
Part of me wants to revert to an angsty adolescent way of viewing this situation... "You dropped by un-announced and I'm grieving for Christ's sakes", where as the grown up take responsibility for my actions side of me really just feels terrible. Terrible for the position I put Mom's friend in, and a hundred times worse because I know how my Mom would have felt about it and that it happened on her birthday. Nice present.
Comments
Perhaps you are escaping with drugs? This should be a wake up call. Obviously,you have guilt for being a pot head and you know your Mom looked down upon it. So why not make a fresh start? Quit smoking,not only for yourself,but your mom too.
asadheart