miriamhyde's Journal

Just wanted to let you all know I'm alive.  Thank you, my firend, for not giving up on me.

Been way sick, way beyond stressed.  I'm getting back on balance, I think.  Right now, this is the only place I dare right that I'm struggling a little.  

Because of a certain situation, I have to maintain an appearance of being spot on, totally sane, rational, composed, etc. It's often effortless for me; I am often just that way. The stress of having to do that, combined with some - not even all - of the stressors really streses me!  I'll have to talk more about that another time.

Very little depression, but sometimes I'm afraid the anxiety may get so bad I'll start flying.  I do little, stupid, forgetful things; I'm aware enough to know about it, and am wary.

I'm supposed to work on relaxation techniques.  I just can't do it.  I get more anxious trying to force mtself to relax!

BUT WASN"T YESTERDAY AMAZING!  I'll wqrite more about January 20, 2009 later.  It will fill the page.

Utah Governor Huntsman's proposed 2010 budget asked each department to take a 15% cut.  HHS did, but gave Medicaid/mental health funding 70% of that 15%.  Additionally, they have now asked for another 15% before FY2009 ends.  Unless someone finds a rabbit, the results will be disastrous.  Quite literally, thousands of people in treatmemt will lose coverage.  We would be among the group to be disqualified. 
 Another stessor.

We are now 2 months behind on bills.  OSo, because I am an action-take, I'm once again up tp my ears in advocating,  I'm doing a press conference at9:00, then going to a public hearing (they were going to try and pass this without one, but were forced to; they gave us a whole hour.

We finally got the rent paid, but it came to $2300 instead of $1750 because it was so late.  We are now two months behind on bills.  The twins turn 16 on Friday.  Their plans have been cancelled.

When I really straighten up and think right, I know our problems come no where near others, and I feel ashamed.  Right now, I am trying to hepl a client to not get evicted.  She is a single mom with two daughters.  We represent both her and one daughter.  I've tried talking to the landlord.  I'm pulling out every favor I can to help them.  It's much harder because they are in Texas.

Like I said, I feel embarrassed when I complain about my life.

I need Sudafed and Excedrin.  Do you know what an inversion is?  We have a good one going.  I've been dealing with a sinus infection.  I finished the antibiotics, but still get very frequent, sudden pouding headaches that seem to last a pretty long time, fade away for a while and come pounding back.  All behind my right eye.  I can still function with them, depending on severity, and sometimes I get really nauseous.  Not getting enough sleep lately is playing into the whole thing.

I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow.

Have to get in the shower.  Not sleeping enough is beginning to creep up on me, too.