Journal

My daughter just celebrated her 18th birthday on the fifth of September.  She said to me Mom a person should be able to do something important and positive at this milestone, not just smoke cigarettes.  I said you can come November.  You can vote.  I'm not sure she considers that very important, but it is.  WE spent the day together yesterday, and visited her grandmother, great grandmother, aunt,  and an older dear friend who just had a lump remeoved in her breast. When we got home, we watched a very moving romantic film, called P.S. I Love You.  I cried and laughed all through the movie.  I have that kind of love for James and he for me.  We are very blessed, because I don't see it in relationships around me.  There is no passion or even spark between most couples I know--just resignation and sadness like someone loving you and needing you is an unattainable fancy of the mind, not something anyone can actually hope to have in the real world. Why don't couples get it back.  They felt it once; they couldn't get enough of each other in the beginning.  But, they let work and kids and interests and money rob them of important couple time.  James and I won't let that happen.  We have promised each other. 

What can I do for the next two years while I wait for James?  I want for the time to be spent productively, but it is hard to find joy on anything without him.  I would like to write a romance novel.  I've read enough, and think I could.  I would like to write one about James and I, but don't know if I would want others to read about our intimate moments together.  That is something that should stay private between two people.   I want to learn to swim, would like to purchase a scooter, really wish I could lose weight and keep it off, and would love to learn lap dancing for James.  I want to turn him on royally when he gets out.  Okay, too much information.  lol  But, I know all of you ladies feel the same about your guys.  If you don't there's something wrong.  I would be perfectly content if I could just hold him and he me.  That's what I want the most.  I want to just be with him, doing ordinary things like eating meals together, doing the dishes, snuggling on the couch after a tiring day of work, going to sleep together, waking up to meet the new day together, kissing each other before we head off to work, calling each other at break because we miss each other, having lunch together, if possible, making plans for the evening together.  I can't wait for all of it.  Oh James, you just have to come home soon, so we can start our life together.  I  love you so much!  

This is over a month later.  So much has happened.  Sara is in Texas.  We (Sara and I) were so scared when she left.  But, everything is going great.  Her friend who got hit by a truck is so glad she is there to help.  And I am also.  When your goal is to help someone in need, God protects and guides you through the process, till you are not needed anymore.  We have both grown in her absence.  I have learned I can survive the lonliness of being without her, and she has learned that she can can face a very terrifying experience like travelling halfway across the country and not only get there safely, but be a huge help to someone who needs her while there.    

I am trying to change the kind of relationship I have with james so I can be close to God.  One definitely affects the other because a prson can't be close to God unless he or she is obeying the rules God has set down for a man and woman who love each other and desire to marry.  So I've made the decision with God's help to try and keep our relationship pure on every level--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So far God has enabled me tobe successful.  I am praying for James' salvation every day and hope he will not be angry with me for asking him to change our relationship.