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MsMissy 
whoa a whole month has gone by and I haven't posted anything. first of all everything seems to be fine. Work is there and that is generally where I post all of my posts but we finally got internet at home with a newly refurbished computer. My children are soo happy with this new development. I can finally sit in front of the computer and bear my sould so to speak. Tonight, I went to the Elks to have a drink. A friend of my husband passed away Monday and tonight they had his service and a gathering at the Elks (his favorite place to go). sooo.... I had 3 chocolate martini's. yes, I'm buzzed. but I'm going to type this out. I'm married to a man I love with all my heart. He's an alchoholic, so... some of my nights are awefull. He's not violent just mentally challenging, sometimes. My brother-n-law is schizo-affective. He works for my husband and myself in our decorating store. He is vary talented, an artist and master craftsman. But sometimes he's very trying. I love him as my own brother. Dan is very protective of him and he has guardianship of him.
I am adopted and I gave my first born up for adoption. She was beautiful and I have no problems with that fact. Though my husband thinks I do.
Ok, here is the nitty gritty. My husband started searching the web in October of 2006 when his brother had his last sycotic episode. We had to have him involuntary commited. (there was nothing wrong with him it was everyone else- his wording) Dan went through massive withdrawl systems, almost like loosing a child. I realize that Dan has essentially taken care of hm since I've know him. (20 + years) Any way, he went online to search information for the way he was acting and trying to get help. In his search he found NAMI, a national orginazition for the mentally ill. They communicated with him and told him to check out "healthyplace.com" He maintains that NAMI told him that his personality was perfect for suicide pervention. (we've had many arguments over this) So, he found an ugly place of misery and depression in the "cutting" room and various rooms. I was jealous because I felt he was more worried over ppl other than me and our girls. Any way, he feels led to "get them relief" He has learned that most "cutters" and those with mental illness were most likely abused sexually as children and that they then become abusers. He wants to get it stopped. So..... he gets mad at me because I won't "jump on his band wagon" to help him fix this problem. I keep telling him I don't want Satan in my home and that is dark and ugly stuff. I want to raise my girls and then we will see what is in store for me then. sometimes he understands that and others he doesn't.
Ok, I'm sorry for unloading. I realize that I'm disjointed but that is what is pressing on me at this moment.
I will write more later especially now that I have internet at home and can freely journal and express my feelings better here. Thank you for listening.
I am lucky that I have found friends here in DS. I lost my best friend 5 years ago and I deeply miss her. I don't have a close friend that I can tell things like I used to tell Tina. Thank you to all who listen.
Love and stuff.
Missy
