mschif's Journal

I spent most of my Labor Day weekend battling fleas and I AM far from done.  Grrrrrrr, there is nothing worse than trying to get rid of fleas when you have 2 dogs and a cat that can roam outside at whim.  I think I caught the nasty things early so... I remain hopeful we will eradicate them sooner than later.

Sunday was the day we decided to bomb the house and release toxic chemicals to kill any and all creepy, crawly things.  I do not like having to use toxic chemicals, but if you want to win the war on fleas you really have no other option so... pull the tab, hold your breath and RUN, RUN, RUN far, far away as the chemicals invade the air.   Several hours later we returned home and let in some fresh air.  WOW!  There are no flies buzzing my head anymore so...that is something anyway!

While those chemicals were doing their thing we had several hours we needed to fill.  Just me and he.  What to do when you are feeling less than kind or loving towards your partner?

hmmmm... 

We decided to go for a drive and check out some old stomping grounds.  We only made it to my old grade school, where I attended school until the 4th grade.  I have several memories of that playground and lately they have been kind of twirling around in my brain, I'm not sure why.  I remembered the bars on the playground that I LOVED to play on as a kid.  I used to twirl around and around on those bars like I was a gymnast and I was really good at it too.  So I asked the hubby to hang a right so I could play on the bars as an adult and see if I could still twirl around.

No such luck, everything had changed and those bars were gone, as were the cement stairs that led back up to the school.  The same stairs I remember having several "DEEP THOUGHTS"  " on as I marched back inside the school.  I told my husband about some of the "DEEP THOUGHTS" " I had on those long gone stairs, things he never knew about me.  It was good to share.

It was shady and uninhabited there and a few of the new toys looked intriguing so, we decided to just hang out there for awhile and chill; well the husband chilled, I of course had to play.   Play I did and then I spent a long time looking for pretty rocks, trying to avoid having "THE TALK" with husband dear.

Finally, I let myself BE vulnerable and began the talk.  We talked.  I don't remember any yelling, no we did not yell, though some of the things we discussed were a bit heated, somehow we managed to maintain even tones.  We discussed many things, but the thing we spent the most time on was what the reality of divorce would mean for both of us.  Nothing fun.   Husband was not aware of the things I already knew and was quite surprised to realize I had a few clues.  

I'm not sure what happened or how, but somewhere along the way I decided to put my swords down and dared to be forgiving and loving.  I struggled to keep those swords up anyway.  I have been forcing myself to be distant, angry and uncaring towards him, this is true.

Not anymore.

I consulted my Runes to get perspective on our new plan of attack and WUNJO was the rune I was given to contemplate.

JOY!

I think we might just BE ok after all. 

We held hands and kissed yesterday while we attended a local corn roast.  Husband bought me a pretty, hand-made, glass heart pendant to wear around my neck yesterday too.  Of course I picked it out, but that is OK.  I told him why I thought the pendant was appropriate, he responded with a funny retort and a miffed look.  When we got home he found the other glass pendant, someone else bought me, and waved it under my nose.

We laughed, then loved, then napped.

It was good. 

BE WELL.