Buderfld8's Journal

I consider today to be the first REAL day for me. By that I mean I am medication free. I have been weining off and suffering withdrawals since January 7th and this is the first symptom free day. I think I have finally gotten the Cymbalta out of my system.

I have chosed to quit my medication to find out what really is underneath. I had a MDE in 1996 and again in 1998 and have been fighting my way back from insanity since then. In the last two years I started experiencing horrible side effects from any medication the Drs pushed on me, It was then I made the decision that to really assess my progress I had to become medication free. My decision provoked a "shit storm" from all my doctors and a few that are not mine. The only difference is, this time, I would not listen and stood my ground. The withdrawal has caused me the most horrific symptoms including vomitting, hallucinations, headaches, dizzyness and many more.

Please don't worry for me, I have my "as needed" meds on hand to handle any emergency situation. Klonipin for anxiety attacks, adavan if I start to go manic etc. I know I have a mood disorder, I have never disputed that but the MDEs came from severe stress and the death of my husband. I am BP not chronic depressed. I have got to find out what range my moods are running now that I have worked through my grief and removed a ton of major stress factors in my life. next week I will start seeing the docs so they can see that just because I have BP does not mean I am delusional. I have been fortunate that my Drs have told me that they believe I have shown complete awareness of my disease and they will ride it out with me. They do not agree but they are, at least, willing to accept I may be right.

It is a damn good day!