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Buderfld8 
7:54am, October 2, 2009
I saw my pdoc today and she was very supportive of my finding my baseline by going off my meds. We had a nice discussion and I always enjoy talking to her. I know we have a lot of mutual respect and we have a deal that she can tell me exactly what she thinks.
I chose a good day to go because I am really feeling good today. I have been keeping busy and really enjoying getting things done around the house.
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I consider today to be the first REAL day for me. By that I mean I am medication free. I have been weining off and suffering withdrawals since January 7th and this is the first symptom free day. I think I have finally gotten the Cymbalta out of my system.
I have chosed to quit my medication to find out what really is underneath. I had a MDE in 1996 and again in 1998 and have been fighting my way back from insanity since then. In the last two years I started experiencing horrible side effects from any medication the Drs pushed on me, It was then I made the decision that to really assess my progress I had to become medication free. My decision provoked a "shit storm" from all my doctors and a few that are not mine. The only difference is, this time, I would not listen and stood my ground. The withdrawal has caused me the most horrific symptoms including vomitting, hallucinations, headaches, dizzyness and many more.
Please don't worry for me, I have my "as needed" meds on hand to handle any emergency situation. Klonipin for anxiety attacks, adavan if I start to go manic etc. I know I have a mood disorder, I have never disputed that but the MDEs came from severe stress and the death of my husband. I am BP not chronic depressed. I have got to find out what range my moods are running now that I have worked through my grief and removed a ton of major stress factors in my life. next week I will start seeing the docs so they can see that just because I have BP does not mean I am delusional. I have been fortunate that my Drs have told me that they believe I have shown complete awareness of my disease and they will ride it out with me. They do not agree but they are, at least, willing to accept I may be right.
It is a damn good day!
UPDATED GOALS
Find A Passion I can do!
Progress 25%
Encouragements: 0
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All the best
Well...things are ok. I am feeling better then I did and working on doing better everyday. I have a set amount of goals for myself and I am trying to attack each one, just one at a time. Some of them may seem really simple to regular people but they are huge steps for me. I had a couple of outstanding bills that were from a WC injury over two years ago lingering. I fonally spent a day, on the phone, getting it straightened out. If you knew how much I dread talking on the phone you would know that was HUGE for me. When I have to make those kind of ca;;s I tend to get very manic and a bit on the rude side. (Huh) Who am I kidding, I am a bitch!
Well I did it and I didn't tell anyone off. I did have to take an adavan half way through but that was still really good. I also went to the hardware store and got paint chips to select paint colors for my home. Again, not a big thing for others...Huge, for me. ...I am really tired!
UPDATED GOALS
Find A Passion I can do!
Progress 10%
Encouragements: 0
Add your supportPast Entries
| March 2009 |
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Sunday, 3/15
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Saturday, 3/14
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Tuesday, 3/10
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Monday, 3/09
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Sunday, 3/08
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Saturday, 3/07
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Friday, 3/06
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Thursday, 3/05
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Wednesday, 3/04
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December 2008 |
Friday, 12/05
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Goal Updated
Hi there. Be ready for withdraw. You can do it but you may experience some pretty scary discomfort. It's just your body readjusting. It will not last forever. If you need some reassurance you can call the narcotics anonymous hot line in the phone book. They are experts at going through withdraw off even tougher things. It can take a long time to get back to normal. The last time I stopped my meds it took 3 weeks of misery. But it's worth it. One of my best friends was on lithium for 16 years, among other meds. She's been med free for 3 years now and is doing just fine and feeling much healthier. It takes a lot of fearlessly honest hard work on sleep, diet, exercise, and staying real. Be sure you have plenty of support people you can call when you think you can't make it. You can. "I can't" was the biggest lie I ever told myself. Make a deal with yourself that you will stay safe no matter what. Good luck to you. Stay in touch. You are welcome to read my journals.
LornaR
i am just the opposite-without abilify and now prestiq-i would be lost-i have so many physical disabilites as well as the bipolar disorder with adhd that i cannot exist without some degree of pharmological intervention-and i coordinate all my meds and drs because i i know best what affects me and my adl-activities of daily living-i research al lmeds online at medline plus-the nih site- as well as owning 3 different books on meds -the best for most laymen is the pill book-the newest versions and most complete versions have injectable meds as well po meds-it is easy to reference and walks you step by step as to what to in case of od-or life threatening side effects and adverse reactions-however i also just came off a drug holiday to sort out what i can and can't live without-i have a great primary doc and a shrink from heaven (who left town unfortunately)-have plans to see shrink next month when i can afford car fare or use transit to go see him-he is now 25 miles away and i have no transportation that i own personnally-and its an all day deal to use transit to see him-and 20 dollars to go by private vehicle with a friend who is elderly and needs to be adequately reimbursed for gas , oil and wear and tear on her car-my life is never dull rofl-hugs n love deb
debqb1