I hate this pain and that my hubby has to work. Im feeling very scared today and all i am doing is my homework. i just know that my pain isnt too bad but i started spotting this morning and I just dont want my period. I am trying so hard to keep up with school and work. i want to go to work this week. Im so tired again today. yeserday all i felt like i wanted to do was sleep, but my sister in law called and we went out to find her a rug for her new house and we talked. We are both lonely on the weekends. she is now going through her divorce from her husband. My counselor says my husband is most likely not going to leave me because we are buying a house together but my sister in law yes i do not like her husband he is a very mean person. But he is like me he is better now. But in January he had a kidney stone and almost died he was in and out of the hospital like i was and she couldnt handle it. He though got to be suicidal. So yesterday we talked for a long time and hung out. We are going shopping on tuesday hopefully after i go to work and we are going to buy me a new pair of jeans. Was so funny yesterday i had to wear a really long shirt because i have two pairs of jeans thats it. i never buy clothes for myself and they had holes in the butt so really long shirt. The thing is though is that I cannot afford to keep buying things i have so many bills. My insurance isnt paying for my counseling and it costs 1750 for the last 7 sessions. I know that the counseling helps me because i have a lot of problems with my hubby then worrying if he is going to leave me. Im scared of the pain and just dealing with it everyday. My teachers and many people do not understand how stressful this is for me. Im sure if it was something visible they would understand but on the outside i look healthy that is what is frustrating. The days i hurt to much to even get my groceries at walmart and i want a scooter they look at me like im going to take it joyriding. I just dont know im tired and im trying to think of the happy things. shopping was a lot of fun yesterday and i cleaned a lot of my house friday i was so happy and proud of myself. my hubby was even proud. today i need to get to the store and get food for my animals. i want to be outside it is so pretty i need to take duncan our dog for a walk but i swell so much outside in the sun and my neighbors i know she means well but she tells me i dont look good. well no im poofy lol. A lot just feels like it is going on right now. Im here by myself again and im scared and sad and i hate mother nature for brining so many periods. im going to keep working on my school work and try to think of the nice warm beach and feeling great with my friends