Journal

i am just getting over yet another infection in my left leg. surgery #14 was july 25, for debridement. same bug as last time (pseudomonis), just below the knee this time. it started from the inside out, from a "dissolvable" screw in the tibia. been on massive iv antibiotics for the last 6 weeks, they always make me nauseous and give me the shits. fun fun fun.

still living with my parents, ready to get my own place again but a little nervous about my newly limited budget (havent worked in 2 years, on disability now).

not really doing a whole lot, staying indoors, lost touch with most of my friends, cant keep up with them anymore, trying to get motivated to join a wheelchair basketball team or get into swimming. there is a big intimidation factor there for me, even though ive always been into sports. i am so out of shape it's not funny.

ordered a couple books from amazon: Injury: Learning to Live Again, and Coping with Physical Loss and Disability: A Workbook (New Horizons in Therapy). havent received them yet.

just trying to move on, trying to be patient with myself in accepting where im at every moment, learning to slow down without stopping altogether.

that's where i am these days.

i set up my old mountain bike on a spinner in my parents' garage. it has longer cranks than the stationary bikes in pt, so it's harder to get the pedals all the way around. i have been pushing through the stiffness and pain in my knee and starting off once again by rocking the pedals back and forth. (for some reason it's a little easier to pedal backwards than forward). 

so just this week i got all the way around one time! this is huge for me. i was an avid cyclist before my accident and i was crushed when i was told that i may never be able to ride again (among other things). so even though i wont be biking anything like i used to, i would be ecstatic if i could just get around the block.

at first i was on a recumbent bike in pt and could not get my knee to bend far enough to rotate the pedals. i just kind of rocked back and forth as far as it would go, pushing myself slowly. it hurted :( 

then i graduated to the upright stationary bike a few months ago, and had to start the same way, rocking back and forth. now it takes me a couple of minutes, but i can get all the way around with very little pain. i go for about 10 minutes.