What A day!
October 13, 2009 4:26am
Hello everyone,
I just wrote a journal Mon about this time. Here I am back Tues 4:00 AM.
Well yea things can happen so fast. We all …
Progress
50 %
grndmudder
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About Me
grndmudder
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About Me
Female 56 years old. I had 2 sons. The youngest, Paul died at the age of 29 April 3, 2003 from an accidental drug overdose.He was an addict for many years and drank too. In July of 2005 I had breast cancer. It is in remission so far.December 10, 2007 my older son Steven committed suicide at the age of 38. My sons half sister Karla also killed herself 4 days after Stevens Memorial Service. My oldest son felt guilty for Paul's death, Partly surrving his baby brother (there was 5 yrs. between them)and partly because he gave Paul his first Pot years ago.) Steven stopped the nonsense, Paul never could he got deeper and deeper.Karla thought that she had not helped Steven enough and had not been there for him. What an awful chain reaction. A train wreck to my heart. I am lucky to be married to a good man, James who is also my best friend.married 20 yr. friends for 28 yr.) I have a grandson, 21, he is married, and has a son born March 32, 09, and 3 grand daughters, ages 16, 15, and 11. I am crying and struggling mostly.When Steven died 5 years after Paul, it just ripped the scar I had begun to make on my grief and pain.Then Karla, not my daughter, my ex husband's, but she was very dear to us and I miss her smile and her sweetnes.I can't seem to move forward much. Once in a while I will forget for a few hours of blessed peace, but the pain comes hitting me all over again. I don't know how to cope.
Female 56 years old. I had 2 sons. The youngest, Paul died at the age of 29 April 3, 2003 from an accidental drug overdose.He was an addict for many years and drank too. In July of 2005 I had breast cancer. It is in remission so far.December 10, 2007 my older son Steven committed suicide at the age of 38. My sons half sister Karla also killed herself 4 days after Stevens Memorial Service. My oldest son felt guilty for Paul's death, Partly surrving his baby brother (there was 5 yrs. between them)and
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Interests
I like to read. I like all kinds of music. I love playing with my grand children. I am from Louisiana originally, been in Florida 19 years.I am just barly feeling sain. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and twisted. I cry alot. I am working on myself though. Trying to get better.
I like to read. I like all kinds of music. I love playing with my grand children. I am from Louisiana
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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45 journal comments, 13 hugs given, 12 hugs received
Today
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grndmudder commented on JulsMarie’s journal entry Happy Birthday in heaven my sweet Nicholas 9:26am
I wish Nic a Happy Birthday! Honey, I do not believe we will ever get back to a life where the pain is…
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grndmudder commented on BinkyH’s journal entry Memorial Webpage 7:55am
OF COURSE I AM, RIGHT NOW. I LOVE you,Peggy!…
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grndmudder commented on Annabeth’s journal entry Oy! 6:42am
Don't feel alone! I am always hurting myself doing the simplest thing. Like walking through the house…
Yesterday
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grndmudder gave startinanew an I'm with you 7:42am
I can relate to you real easy. I had my fisr son when I was 16. I went to night school, got a job, bought…
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grndmudder gave Livingjuicy a hug 2:04am
Oh yea I could not make it without my companions here, and of course God. I look to my DS family for…
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Journal
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Here I Still Am
October 11, 2009 5:21am
I have not written a journal in a month. I just finished half of one and it disapeared for no apparent reason. I hate …
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I am still here!
September 9, 2009 3:31pm
First I am so sorry I have not been here for all of you. My friend's dog ate my lapto power cord and it shorted out something …
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I am Ok. I Been Crazy and Busy
July 25, 2009 4:23am
I have not been having time to check my mail much less answer it. I have taken in a girl and her 2 sons . This girls name is Wendy and …
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I am not sure my mail is actually going out.
June 2, 2009 1:47pm
My computer is doing wierd things, and I am not sure that my mail is going out. I have answered all of my messages, hugs, and commented on lots …
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Hugbook
Hug
Peggy,
Thanks so much for the hug and for "your story". We are "miracles" of God and thank your husband and relatives for me who have served this country. They have my deepest respect. God Bless.
Hug
Peggy, my welcome pages shows the hurricane Ida in your are. Praying it doesn't hit shore. Weather is beautiful and I have an appoint. to have my throat checked.
Rather be home working around the yard...Wishing you and James a safe and blessed day. Pat-
Hug
Thank you for the wonderful words you wrote on my journal entry. I know you are right and everything you said is so true. Your words mean so very much!! Thank you..I hope today treats you well..
Superhero Status
Thank you for being here for me i appreciate it. You are very strong lady that has been through so very much. Hope your mother is doing well. Glad your here to talk too.
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Little Love
Good Morning Peggy. I had to call Bobby at midnite, Logan wanted to go home. In a personal email I'll tell you why Logan is a little insecure. They both will visit later this morning.........Reading your hug was so touching I became teary eyed. Don't ever worry about me. The fact your sharing your life on such a personal level made me smile as well. What stood out in my mind is "100 Watt Smile". My brother's always referred to Tommy in the same way. I believe grands are a gift from God to help us make it through. And all though I will only have one, I am so grateful. Wishing you a peaceful Sunday..Love always, Pat
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Photos
grndmudder hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Support Groups
Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ChildMy 29 year old son,Paul died of an accidental drug overdose April 3, 2003. My 38 year old son,Steven commited suicide Dec, 10th 2007. I am childless now. I do have grand children from both sons.I am not doing well. I can hardly drag myself out of bed. Some days. I don't. I do not sleep though. I need people that understand the diffrent types of grieving . Saddness,anger, and so on. I need to hear I am not alone in my grief and crazyness.I lost step daughter AUG. 22 08.
Treatments
- Crying Not Working
- just leads to anger I am disabled.
- Getting Angry Not Working
- just makes me tired
- Grief Counseling Too Soon to Tell
- I went to grief counseling for a few months. It was just too much for me. I could not handle the emotioal upheaval it brings. I can cope better without it.
- Helping Others Considering
- My disabilities are very limiting. I am not able to keep a regular scedule. If I have a bad pain day,I cannot do much. I do help people I know, and people I meet.
- Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful
- Sometimes I am able to cocentrate well enough to read. I also go to my grandchildren's sports and activities, weater I feel like it or not.
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- I do listen to music some, but am not real interested. Like I used to be.
- Pets Not Working
- I had my 18 year old companion dog put down Last week. She was in oain, and deaf and blind. She stopped eating. The VET said when she stopped eating it was time. So we had her put to sleep.
- Prayer Working / Worked
- I am a Chistian, and trust God. He will Help me find the way.
- Reading Somewhat Helpful
- Problems concentrating
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- They have all had to go home and back to work. They canot baby sit me.
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Hard to tell. It makse me cry alot, and I hate that, but I can talk
- Time Somewhat Helpful
- I know it helped with my father and my first sons death. This time it has just brought back my first son's death abd there is just double pain and grief.
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Groups
