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cavaliers3 
I dont remember the last time i was here, I thought i had sorted this gambling addiction and threw myself fully into my job and all of a sudden months have passed, maybe more than a year, my business has struggled with a little help from the recession and taking on dishonest (as it turned out) workers. I was already behind with my mortgage and early this year got so far behind i couldn't catch up and lost my house, my home. Im renting now and have quite a nice house and i have continued strugging with the business as i feel the only alternative would be to claim benefits from the state and this is not me. I made virtually no profit in the last 2 or 3 months and began visiting the local casino again as my ban was up. I had a few wins and felt that wow again, it meant i could pay the rent that month! Deluded as ever i have continued returning to the casino almost daily, as long as i had a few pounds in my pocket as this could solve all my financial problems when i win! But i have lost far more than i have won, of course, and have even spent money that is to pay my workers and will now have to make excuses, lie basically, and make them wait for their wages....I dont know why i cant control this horrible addiction and must be extremely sick as even losing my house has not stopped me. When i came here regularly before i did stop gambling al be it for a short time with all the great support from you guys here and so im back to try again..
Comments
hmmmmmm......lotsa issues to think about.......I'll comment on this one; "I don't know why I can't control this horrible addiction........"
Step One says---- "We admitted that we were powerless over gambling......"
Powerless......once I start, I cannot stop. I cannot control gambling, actually it's the other way around, as soon as I place that first bet, gambling controls me. All logic, all common sense, all my good intentions and all of my best plans are gone out the window....... one bet, and I'm lost again in the madness of the addiction. I struggle and search to find the reason why I am the way I am....... Why is that others can gamble successfully while I cannot? It doesn't seem fair.
Finally, one day, I admit defeat.......once again gambling has proved itself my master. I realize that the reason isn't important, it doesn't really matter why I gamble the way I do. Looking back at my past, I realize that without exception, gambling has won every bout, I've lost and lost and lost....... it never changes. It never gets better. In fact, it gets progressively worse. My lies, my cheating, my deceptions and my self loathing get worse and worse...... I find myself doing things that I thought I would never be capable of...... just to get the money to keep gambling.
I am powerless over gambling. I have only one defence against it........I must stop. I must stop now. I must stop totally........ no more excuses, no more putting it off, no more "trying" , no more wishing and hoping and praying and avoiding and delaying. No more crying and feeling sorry for myself and waiting for someone else to "fix" my problem for me.
I will start here, today.........."Just for today, I will not gamble."
eastwester
Thank you, I must stop now and i will do this one day at a time, concentrate on not gambling today. I will try and replace my visits to the casino with coming on here and receiving this great support.
cavaliers3
Day 1...no gambling today, i had to walk straight past my favourite casino (my second home!) as my bank is 2 doors away and this has always been a problem actually walking past and not walking in but today at least i was strong enough to go past...i must keep reminding myself of everything ive lost because of going in and keep walking.
cavaliers3
Can you change banks? I had to avoid my "favorite" places as much as possible at first!
So glad to see you back. I went back to gambling in 2007 after quitting for a few months, only to find I sunk deeper and deeper. Finally, I admitted I can't control gambling, and was able to really quit. Whenever I have thought about gambling "just a little" or "just this once" since then, I just remember the desperate place I was in Jan 1 2008 when I stopped gambling "for good". I know there is no cure, and stopping for a few months or even years will no change me into someone who is not a compulsive gambler.
Keep coming back for support...you can do it....with the help of your friends, GA, and any other source of support you can get! I know I couldn't do it alone.
Hugs, Dianne
DianneE
Thanks Dianne,I cant change banks because my credit score is so bad now no other bank will accept me but today i drove out of town and went to another branch to keep temptation away and so i got through day 2 without gambling...long way to go yet i know but im determined to stop this horrible addiction and feelings of self hate..thanks as usual for your support...hugs
cavaliers3
Instead of changing banks........ how about self-banning yourself from the casino?.........then "walking past" is as close as you'll ever get to the place.
eastwester
Welcom back. I'm sorry to hear about your house and your struggles. You can do this! It sounds easy but I know it's not. It takes work. Everytime you get the urge to gamble come here first and read journals, maybe even re-read some of your past entries. We are all here to support you. Peace and Love, Patty
mrsfroggie
Thank you Patty im so happy i came back here and am feeling so much more positive already, i dont feel so alone with my fight...i had a lovely day today visiting my eldest daughter and my 3 grandkids and watching my 3 year old grandson taking part in his 1st sports day, fabulous! Day 3 gamble free!
cavaliers3