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  From brianPDX59 April 24, 2008

  Its so hard to keep perspective in these situations. Thanks for your kind words. -Brian

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  From bkgal April 21, 2008

  SENDING YOU A BIG HUG AND A BATCH OF YOUR FAVORITE COOKIES. MOM'S CALLING.

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  I’m With You

  From brianPDX59 April 21, 2008

  I understand the burden you've taken on, and I hope your situation stabilizes to where you can have a life outside of this burden. Meanwhile, knowing very little of your situation (just a few things you've written), I wonder if you are on the right track regarding your brother and your mother. I take it as a classic breeding ground for resentment: You make all the sacrifices, but he's the one she wants to hug. If you weren't in the thick of it, it might be possible for you to think that it's not about how your brother doesn't care as much as you, but about your mother, and what she wants, the connections she feels compelled to make. Obviously I know little of your situation, so I could be totally wrong, and if so, I apologize in advance. One problem with being a 24/7 caregiver is that its too easy to lose perspective. If you were a hired caregiver, it wouldn't be so hard. You might indulge her and drive the 15 miles, suspecting it wouldn't have a really great outcome, but it might, and its what she wants, and there may not be so much of a downside for her if things don't go according to her script. Your brother sounds like a jerk, but it isn't your job to prove it. And ultimately, he might be right. It may be more of a burden than your family can bear to keep her safe and well. For me, I saw she needed some kind of structure in place 24/7, and even with a lot of paid help I couldn't do it, essentially alone. I thought of it this way: there are 168 hours in a week. That is over 4 full-time jobs, more if you count overlap and management. To keep my mom in her home was possible, but would've required that 5 people made their careers about fulfilling that goal. We're simple people, my mom and I. Not royalty. We've never had maids or servants. She'd never want 5 people to make their life's work keeping her in her home, especially since she didn't know it was her home in the first place. 5 different people coming into her home, helping her get dressed, asking her questions. She hardly knows who *I* am. It's just too much. The fact that you are willing to take on 2 or even 3 or 4 of those full-time jobs helping your mom doesn't change things much, except for the burden on you, personally. I held on. Whether I am more like you, or more like your brother is a fair question, but one I won't attempt to answer. My mom could afford the care, and I think it was right for her. If you can continue in this way I am filled with admiration. But it may be too much to ask of yourself. If you get sick what happens? She needs for you to be clear and whole, and you know she would want that for you. My mom was lucky and good. She could afford extra paid care. Ultimately, even with me adding 3 full-time careers to the equation it wasn't enough. I hope all goes well with you. Sunny days are ahead, and the days are getting longer. Trees are budding out, and soon we can plant tomatoes. If she can afford it, please consider adding extra help to the mix. She wouldn't want for you to sacrifice your life and liveliness. -Brian

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  From bkgal March 28, 2008

  WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING IS NORMAL. MY MOM HAS BEEN PACKING TO MOVE HOME FOR 4 WEEKS. WE GO ROOM TO ROOM DECIDING WHAT SHE WANTS TO TAKE BACK 'HOME'.

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  From tuckerdakotathunder March 25, 2008

  If i can help in any way please let me know....

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