hnelson's Journal

I'm writing now cause I actually HAVE the precious minutes to spare on something so frivolous as my own personal blogging...but on Thursday - THIS COMING THURSDAY - I'll have officially been a mommy for one month.  ONE WHOLE MONTH!  Jackson will be 4 weeks old on Thursday and I just can't begin to describe how that feels.

We had a very rough start, he and I, and the labor and delivery were complicated and required extra TLC for both of us to heal and recoup from.  The first week home from the hospital was a rough one for me filled with uncertainty and doubt and exhaustion and far far far too many pain meds and prescriptions.  But I tell ya, that second week got better and now we are just soaring.  As a family, The hubby The Baby and The Mommy, we are all starting to click into a routine again.  It's a NEW routine, but a routine nonetheless.  Last week I managed to keep us ALL fed (not just the baby) and do some other business stuff like laundry, tidying the kitchen, and all the business finance stuff that I have to do each month.  I was SO PROUD OF MYSELF.  I even got the birth announcements done and in the mail - GOLD STAR!  The weekend, we were able to just relax which was nice.  Hubby and I went out for lunch on Saturday, then home for the an evening of movie watching with the baby.  Sunday we accomplished CHURCH for the first time and Jackson did really well.  He loved the music/worship portion and would just STARE at me as we sang along and I swayed and patted his bottom to the rhythm of the music.  All the ladies of the church, and several men too, fawned over him and he was a particular hit with "the blue hair brigade" as my Dad would refer to all the little old ladies.  After church, it was BACK home for MORE relaxing.  SO NICE!  I did do SOME tidying up, but all in all we just all kinda vegged together.  Hubby and Jackson got some quality cuddle time in the late afternoon and he took his usual "shift" so I could get some early shut-eye before the night feedings began.  Granted, the night feeding was a bit more hectic last night since "lil man" decided to eat every 3 hours and be WIDE AWAKE for an hour after each feeding...but still...

I absolutely, positively, without a doubt, am utterly and completely head over heels in love with my baby.  I have such a flood of affection for him that it's freaking scary.  And what's more, I miss him - MISS HIM - when he's not in my arms.  When other people hold him I swell with such pride at his utter cuteness and this morning when we got up to change our morning diaper, and he looked at me and SMILED as he stretched after being bundled all evening, my heart just skipped a beat.  He's growing so fast and getting chubbier by the minute.  His little personality shines through more and more each day and I am both saddened by how fast the time is flying but also excited to see just what each day will bring.

For me personally - my anxiety level has dropped dramatically and my appetite has started to improve somewhat.  I think it's due in part to feeling more confident about all this mothering stuff, and in part by getting OFF that one scrip that had "baby blues" listed as a potential side effect.  I am getting more confident in general about my role in all this mothering stuff and just really ENJOYING the new dynamic that our family is taking on.   If I could give any advice to any couple planning a to welcome a baby right now it would be this...

"It will totally and completely change everything about your way of life, the way you see life, the way you interact with life, your goals, your plans, your style, EVERYTHING.  BUT it will be the best and most magical change you never knew you WANTED to make and you'll love every freaking minute of it!"