hnelson's Journal

Well yesterday was my appt with the lactation consultant....all three of them to be exact. They surrounded me like a pack of hungry wolves when I "asked" for them to evaluate me.  You'd think they were fanatical or something. hahahah. 

ANYHOO - The short version is - In a 20 minute period, I produced a WHOPPING 5 grams (milliliters) out of both sides. It was, sadly, what I was afraid of and expected.  The long version is that I have PCOS (hence some of our fertility struggles to begin with) and a very rare side effect is that you don't actually HAVE enough milk ducts with which to make milk.  Yee Haw.  Granted, my baby is getting enough to have the good antibodies, a plus for sure, but will NEVER get enough to have the calories/fat he needs especially given his small size and eating demands. No matter what supplements or prescriptions I take, herbs I pop, teas I drink, or pumping I do.  This is what it is.

As saddened as I am about this, I'm RELIEVED to finally have some answers as to WHY my production has continued to be so low and pumping so fruitless and painful despite my exhaustive efforts. I'll start weening myself slowly off the Regulan prescription (which can have some nasty side effects), and will CONTINUE the thistle and fenugreek to maintain what I do have since those are more natural.  I will continue to nurse my baby first at every feeding that I can, and will let him comfort nurse as much as he wants since it really seems to soothe him, but i'm also accepting that this is just as good as it's gonna get.

In a way, I'm relieved.  At least I have an answer, and some understanding taht this is not something I've "done" to myself by not eating enough or drinking enough water or resting enough etc.  This isn't caused by my Big Mac Craving in the last month or pregnancy nor is it because I forgot my prenatal vitamin a time or two.  You know...all those self-flagellating things we new mothers concoct to blame ourselves.  I was also relieved that the pack of mouth-foaming lactation consultants were VERY understanding.  They complimented me profusely on my latch, Jackson's attachment and relaxation to the breast, and even my efforts to up production.  But they were very sympathetic that I just literally didn't have enough ducts and that I'd always have to supplement.  They complimented me on following my instincts and continueing to supplement even once home from NICU and were very very kind about the whole situation in general.  Then they QUICKLY left, foaming at the mouth again, for the next boob-favoring mama in the next room!   ;-)

Overall, I feel okay about all this.  I know I've done my LEVEL BEST to give Jackson every drop I could, and will continue to.  I know now that I can stop pumping (or as I've come to call it, the Chinese Torture Device branded by Medela) and that if I only let him nurse for 10 minutes per side in those late night hours, I'm not denying him to get a little extra shut-eye.  He's not being denied ANYTHING at this point and if anything it's just a little extra bonding for him and I that we can share.  I'm VERY appreciative of everyone's input/advice/support/prayers and it's good to know that when I blog out an SOS - there is a team of people waiting to respond!