Journal

So...I don't know that I will ever visit my friend again. I am sure I am over reacting...but seriously, me and my kids were victims of rudeness by my friends husband. You know, he is always rude. But this time....I am done with it. and I almost got up the nerve to say something. Instead we just left. You know I don't care how you parent your own kids....but you are not allowed to be rude to mine. What an ass he was....I am still in shock. I really with that I had the balls to tell them how I felt, but I just can;t I really don;t want to lose my freind. I just went ever visit her anymore when he husband has the weekend off.

what a sucky weekend. I was looking for an outlet, but I ended up getting more stressed. Ugh! OK, and not to mention, my house smells now. I have too many cats and I am not getting rid of them, I just need to get better kitty litter.

I was thinking about this tonight.....some things have come to my attention recently....that I am not prowd of. I am actually embarrased. I hope that this is what I need to change. Its how they see me, that will make me change.

I started really noticing when my 4 year old asked me if I was pregnant. I am not pregnant, but I will admit I can probably pass for 7 months if I was wearing maternity clothes. Then I started to notice the things I did when I was around them. For example each morning when I get them their cereal, I take a little bit out of each bowl for myself. Everytime. I also have some other horrible eating habits....like eating fast food daily. I also always need something sweet after a meal....every meal. I always finish my kids food, in addition to eating my own food. And I jump on it....thats whats worse. I couldn't wait for my daughter to get done from the table so I could finish her food.

I can only imagine how they see me. What type of examples am I setting for them? I got on the scale tonight and I was not surprised. I am sad about it....and I know I need to do something, because I am raising mini-me's ..... and that is not what I want. I do not want my children to eat like me. I do not want them to learn my habits.

want to eat everything

Im frustrated with myself...this is what i ate today

Toast w/ butter

granola bar

giant bowl of ceral

1 1/2 taco supreme from taco bell

chunky candy bar

fruit snacks

whopper jr

onion rings from burger king

candy bar

fruit snacks

I just feel like poop today. I don;t know why....I feel like I will not lose weight ever. I am also feeling like if I do lose weight it will be with medication. im talking about the anti anxiety medication benefits for me. ugh, i don;t even want to talk about it anymore.

Im just mad at myself I guess.