sprytling's Journal

I made an appointment with a counselor and actually went twice.  We didn't do much except the intake form and I got hit with this inner ear infection.  I can't drive, and I'm  back to looking at four walls.  Oh, I could cheerfully stay this way...locked into my house, making my husband do the grocery shopping, going to school online and talking on the telephone.  But I don't think it's good for my husband, and he has a heart condition.  I'm scared something will happen to him and I have to get in control of my life. 

I was also going to PT three times a week for a few weeks, to try and get walking better.  I had pain in my hip from a back injury.  The pain in the hip is gone, but my back hurts nearly all the time now and I can't stand for more than a couple of minutes at a time.  I've let myself get so heavy that I have diabetes and high blood pressure, and still I'm not able to do anything about anything.  I'm trying to figure out if I like being this helpless....and I don't think I do.

I have to get rid of this vertigo so I can drive again.  I have a motorized wheelchair and Vocational Rehab is helping me to get a chair lift for my truck, so I can get out and go do what I need to do.  Is this vertigo my body's answer to my fear?  I wish I knew.  I know I don't want to leave my house, but I've been making myself do it.  Maybe the vertigo is psychological.  I don't know...all I know is that I'm not doing what I want to do and that is to get better.