AmyYa

Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

I was ritually abused for years when I was younger and have a very hard time dealing with the fears stemming from that.

Treatments

Art Working / Worked

doing artwork (expressive rather than an attempt to be and 'artist') has helped me to get a lot of memories out onto something concrete so I could face them.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Somewhat Helpful

Didn't really find this helpful. It felt too much like some of the brain washing I went through.

Guided Imagery Not Working

Again, this is too much like some of the techniques used against me when I was in a "bible-based church" that was a cult (and very very abusive).

Music Working / Worked

works, depending on the music. I find angry music actually helps the best- interestingly enough angry music, rather than making me angrier, actually helps me to vent and release the anger.

Psychotherapy Working / Worked

I was lucky enough to find a counselor to see for several years who had a great deal of true experience in dealing with ritual abuse and cult survivors

Reading Working / Worked

Found one book in particular VERY helpful for cult related ritual abuse- "cults in our midst"

Talking Working / Worked

This has helped as long as who I was talking to was not judgmental. Talking about it invariably brought up flashbacks though- because I found that as I started to allow myself to see portions of what happened, more things surfaced.

Open Anxiety

My soul-mate, best friend, other half to my whole committed suicide 7/5/07 and I have had significant anxiety ever since. Recently (since shortly before the anniversary of her death) it has gotten much worse. It seems that as I am coming out of shock and starting to mourn and to remember things, that everything reminds me of her, and it hurts so bad I am afraid I will want to follow her.

Treatments

Ativan Working / Worked

works pretty well most of the time- taking it only as needed. One side effect is that it makes me bleed easier.

Breathing Exercises Not Working

Breathwork Not Working

Meditation Somewhat Helpful

Sometimes this can be helpful, but because of past experiences in a cult this can also sometimes cause anxiety attacks

Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful

Talking Somewhat Helpful

Sometimes talking with someone that is understanding can help bring the level of anxiety down but it has not ever been able to completely stop it.

Writing Somewhat Helpful

sometimes if I write it can be helpful.

Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a Partner/Spouse

I have lost a lot of people- but the two most difficult were my soul-mate Tina (to suicide) and my Grandma (2/12/09) who I watched die slowly over a 30 hour period of time. I miss her HORRIBLY

Treatments

Crying Somewhat Helpful

Getting Angry Somewhat Helpful

Grief Counseling Working / Worked

I have gone to a peer-run support group for loss to suicide- I found this very helpful

Helping Others Somewhat Helpful

Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful

Music Somewhat Helpful

Pets Somewhat Helpful

Poetry Somewhat Helpful

Prayer Too Soon to Tell

Psychotherapy Working / Worked

just feel like I am being clinically analyzed and not understood- especially about the loss of my soul-mate.

Remembering Too Soon to Tell

Hurts too much right now to remember- hard to say if this will some day help or not

Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful

Support Groups Working / Worked

Talking Working / Worked

Time Too Soon to Tell

Open Degenerative Disc Disease

I had a fall down a flight of stairs on March 27, 2009 that hurt my back (as well as many other things)- after over a month of pain so bad that the doctor has been giving me oxycontin for it, they sent me for an mri and it showed two herniated discs (right about the hip- so just about every position you can imagine is painful) the mri also showed spondylosis, facet joint arthritis, other discs that were well on their way to herniating also- and they only did the sacral, lumbar, lower thoracic

Open Miscarriage

i was repeatedly raped by one of the sons of the woman I was staying with and got pregnant. When the pastor found out, the men all beat me to a bloody mess and someone stuck a needle in me with something in it (no idea what- just that it knocked me out for a long time. When I came too, there was blood every where, and they had placed the dead baby on my belly, and they painted whore across my belly in my own blood

Treatments

Grief Counseling Not Working

There were so many unusual circumstances around the mis-carriage that no one could understand the dynamics that were going on in the cult (they portrayed themselves as an independant, fundamental, Pentecostal church" until they have their hooks into you, then their true colors.

Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful

Once I found a counselor that had experience in dealing with ex-cult members (cult survivors is really a better term), she was able to help with a lot of different issues, but I never mentioned the pregnancy and mis-carraige----I was threatened with all kinds of things if I talked about it- including threatening to kill me.

Open Rape

I was attacked and raped by a man while I was out taking pics on the bike path behind my building (the path runs through 5 towns, through our complex, through the narrow band of woods between us and the hospital, I was taking photos and the man came up behind me, slammed my head into the tree 3 times, raped me. he had a knife-only reason I survived was cuz I kicked him in his privates as he stood up, got him so hard he doubled over and dropped to the ground, giving me a chance to get away.

Treatments

Talking Somewhat Helpful

I am still healing from the physical wounds, including a rather nasty concussion- and having to piece together bits of memory because of the head trauma.