Journal

 When we as addicts begin to lie to ourselves.....well, we're in trouble..... BUT  when we start to believe the lie....it's time to call the guys in the clean white shirts to come "git'us" cause we're almost all the way gone.

Some where along the line I started to think I was alone in this.....and believed it whole heartedly....then I found this site and started reading from a distance.....then got the nerve to actually sign up and then FINALLY actually started to participate........After reading all your different stories from all the members here, I realized that I was coming out of my cave slowly yes, but coming out I was.

I am now offically on my own after twelve years of marriage. Thanks to an old friendship that started in prison some 18+ years ago, I have a room I'm renting. Still fighting each day as it comes to stay clean......so Ya'll keep writing okay??

Again thank you Daily Strength for thinking to build this site .....and mostly....THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING PART OF THIS.....it's helping.......(I'm just a little thicker headed than most) BUT it is making a difference.

God Bless you all........Today I can say I'm alive and that means I still have a chance!!

Tom R.

So sad, here I am at 45 years of age and I find myself going again, through the cycles of defeat and failure that have haunted my life since I was 15....... This time, instead of costing me time itself, it is costing me my Marriage to my best friend and love of the past 12 years.....oh how she has suffered because of my addictions......I can't blame her at all for wanting this "re-grouping time". I think the proper term is .....trial separation. She has no clue about my addicted suffering .....just thinks it is all related to my treatment for HEP C which is bad enough. She deserves so much better than I. I guess Im writing this here cause I have not the courage to be honest with her about my true condition. To loose it all.....again!!  My beautiful family, my music, my marriage, my life.

I've only known sobriety for brief periods in my life. Funny thing is, I have such great potential and when sober.......Love life and excel to great heights of success in every thing I do.....So why the self destruct? Why did I again open the door to this demon dope that costs me all? I'm begging for some truth and direction here.... It would appear to me that even our medical personal have no clue how to help me and others like me. I mean I know that it is killing me and costing me all......but why do I not have the strenght to stop it?