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LIgirl 
1:19am, August 17, 2009
Well, I did it, again. I broke it off with Perry. I know, I know, we all thought that I had mastered this last summer. Ever the dreamer I am. Thanks to The List, I realized that I wasn't getting anything out of this realtionship and that everything was on his terms. Going to the doctor and finding out that there are a number of health issues I'm going to have to face this year I realized that having a boyfriend that wasn't there for ME, was only going to add to my ogeda. I realize that my focus needs to be on believing in the stong woman that I am and taking care of my daughters. Taking care of my daughters is enough of a scary thing with Gil in middle school and Chels starting High School. College is right around the corner.
I think to myself, why wasn't I enough for him, but I suppose that wasn't the real issue. I was enough for him, he wasn't enough for me. At first he was so good to me, then I allowed myself to become the pot of sauce on the back burner, simmering away unattended and the bottom was beginning to scorch. Oh, he might dip into it on occaision, but only when it suited him. I realize that after a bit relationships set into a slow simmer, but I was becomming an afterthought. If he didn't have anything else occupying his time, then he would call me. I don't want to be the 10:00 pm Friday night filler. I wasn't part of his "family", and my needs became an annoyance, whether it be a back rub or a blanket when it's cold, or just a real hug. I'm tired of being judged and the insinuations that I was somehow being deceptive and unvirtuous. Those things hurt when you know that you are neither of those. Then it brings up the questions, "is he doing something? is he lying? why is he questioning me like this? does he have a guilty consceince? what isn't he telling me? why isn't he home on time after work anymore? why doesn't he carry his phone with him when we're together? the last time that happened it was because he was getting calls from someone else. is that where we are again?" a relationship without love and support is a lonely place to be at.
UPDATED GOALS
love myslef
Progress 25%
Encouragements: 1
Add your support
Comments
For You
For all of those
that have touched my soul
taught me that,
which I'de yet to learn,
I've felt the strength
you've sent my way
within me
my heart yearns.
It yearns for the
life I see I can have,
for the joy and blessings
it could hold!
So for all of you
I send my thanks
for me and those
I hold.
For I am caretaker
to not just myself,
and from a village
does a child grow.
So, when you least expect it,
when you need it the most
you will given
all I can bestow.
Silly little ditty, but my heart so wanted to write it down, some how, some way, something needed to be said. How wonderful if I could only perfect it.
UPDATED GOALS
love myslef
Progress 20%
Encouragements: 1
Add your support
Little fish am I
Swimming in this ocean wide
Wondering about all I see
Then wondering who is at my side
Past Entries
| July 2009 |
Friday, 7/24
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Tuesday, 7/21
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Thursday, 7/16
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Sunday, 7/12
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Monday, 7/06
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Sunday, 7/05
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Thursday, 7/02
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January 2009 |
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Wednesday, 1/21
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Sunday, 1/11
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Friday, 1/09
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October 2008 |
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Tuesday, 10/21
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Saturday, 10/04
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June 2008 |
Tuesday, 6/17
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May 2008 |
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Saturday, 5/31
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Saturday, 5/10
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Thursday, 5/08
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Friday, 5/02
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April 2008 |
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Thursday, 4/24
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Thursday, 4/17
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Saturday, 4/12
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Thursday, 4/10
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Friday, 4/04
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Thursday, 4/03
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Wednesday, 4/02
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Tuesday, 4/01
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Tuesday, 4/01
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March 2008 |
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Sunday, 3/30
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Sunday, 3/30
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Thursday, 3/27
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Monday, 3/24
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Saturday, 3/22
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Monday, 3/17
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Sunday, 3/16
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Goal Updated
I'm sorry you had to break things off but you did it because you love yourself enough to know you deserve better than what he was giving you.
You're right--a relationship without love and support is not a relationship.
Hugs!
hurtinandhealin2560
A realtionship like that is a very lonely place to be. I did it for way to long and invested too much of me while he invested nothing.
That wasn't a real relationship. You do deserve better. You are going to be so busy the next few years with your children that after a while you won't even miss him.
trisha9054
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. You do deserve better, and if your partner in ANY relationship can't work with you through things they're not the right apple for you...The sauce pot analogy was beautiful.
AnUnquietMind
Yep, everything you say here makes sense, so I will take a punt and concur that it all be the truth. A question without notice for you (lol), if something is said of you that is not truthful, why do you ALLOW yourself to be offended by it? As I understand it, lies can not hurt you, and the truth should not hurt you, please correct me though if this is not factual information.
One thing is for certain, you are a high class woman who demands a high class man in her life supposedly, I wonder though whether such a man exists. Both genders are naturally different, do you ever take this into consideration when you make assessments of your opposite/s? Sorry, yet another question that you need only answer if you so choose, or feel that you are in some way compelled to.
I would enjoy the challenge of you, I think I could reveal chinks in your amour that you wish not be revealed. You are tough, but not unbreakable.
By the way, this man you speak of has problems, he is not perfect, and should not be criticised for not being so, neither by you nor some of your respondents already. It takes two to tango, so you can not emerge from this relationship scott free of any wrong doing, something again that your female respondents need also to take into consideration.
BeatinBP
Your choice of partner is up for questioning here, is it not?
BeatinBP
Two of the above respondents say sorry to you, why for? Which one is to blame for this mess you describe here? A pet hate, someone saying sorry when they have done nothing wrong to say sorry for, ie respondents 1 & 3. It is as if they could have done something about it but didn't, is that the reason for them saying sorry? Sorry is totally inappropriate, unless of course I am missing something here.
I am sorry about what you are going through, no I am not, I am sad maybe, but definitely not SORRY.
BeatinBP