Journal Entry for November 23, 2009
November 23, 2009 11:16pm
gerisue
11:33pm Saturday
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About Me
gerisue
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About Me
nothing. I am nothing. no thing. nuttin'. worthless, useless, lonely. so damn lonely. and it hurts so much that i will push you away if you come near me, because you will end up running away anyway. so why bother any more. life sucks.
nothing. I am nothing. no thing. nuttin'. worthless, useless, lonely. so damn lonely. and it hurts so much that i will push you away if you come near me, because you will end up running away anyway. so why bother any more. life sucks.
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Interests
I used to have interests like working in or going to the theater, going out with friends, laughing, reading. Right now my only interest is sleeping as much as possible and crying, which I am really good at. If happy little blue birds fly beyond the rainbow Why oh why can't I?
I used to have interests like working in or going to the theater, going out with friends, laughing, reading.
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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14 hugs received, 14 hugs given, 3 journal posts, 3 journal comments, 2 group discussion posts
Yesterday
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gerisue gave SkyLineAndSmiles a hug 11:26am
Thank you...it was hard, but I finally got a hold of my therapist, who "talked me down" so…
Monday
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gerisue wrote a journal entry updating their Get into shape! Lose 150 goal 11:16pm
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gerisue wrote a journal entry: 7:28 p.m. 10:39pm
Monday night. When will this depression lift? When can I go outside again? It has been 3 complete days…
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gerisue gave ulana4 a hug 10:27pm
I wish they had an icon of a girl sitting at her computer, because you hug made me cry. I would be giving…
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gerisue and rebecca20091 are now friends 10:21pm
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Journal
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7:28 p.m.
November 23, 2009 10:39pm
Monday night. When will this depression lift? When can I go outside again? It has been 3 complete days since I have left this …
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Panic! at the Disco...and overtakes my life again...
November 21, 2009 11:57pm
Today was a day I have been waiting for for months...you see, theater was my life and my passion, it is what my degree is in...but I gave it up …
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My avatar
November 14, 2009 11:33pm
I chose the tulip because it looks like it is crying....and it is a single flower and it is pretty, but all I can focus on is the tears......as sad …
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Suicide solution
November 14, 2009 11:11pm
I have been off this site for so long. I thought things were getting better. This past month has been hell and tonight I just want to …
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Hugbook
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Hug
I am so sorry I wasn't on when you messaged me earlier I hope you are okay I have a habit of leaving my chat up and not really being there. if you ever need anything just send me a message and i'll do my best to help you get through things. stay strong you can get through this you have so much support on here. much love and remember if you ever need anything im only a message away. lots of love and happy early thanksgiving.
Hug
I hope you are having a better day.....hang in there.
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Flower
Lets pretend we are having coffee together, try to be happy, don't think about bad things, write to you soon
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Hug
hugs your not alone at all im here for u and so are lots of other people much love
Rainbow
Big hugs for you! xox
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionMy depression is my shadow, but when I walk in happy sunlight, somehow it disappears. I am getting better and stronger every day. For 2 years I lived in the bowels of hell, and I am truly grateful for my progressive recovery.
Treatments
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- Prozac Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Finding the right therapist is the key to digging out of the black pit of depression.
- Wellbutrin Too Soon to Tell
- Doesn't seem to help much.
Close Panic Attacks
Panic attacks....my constant shadow...always right behind me...never know when the are going to pop out and say "BOO"....I hate them so much, and I refuse to take the meds for them because it throws me into a 3 day depression.....
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- Wait a minute, it says lorazepam is a generic of Ativan...lorazepam is generic for Klonopin, as far as my understanding...correct me if I am wrong!
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- I take 3 to 7 per day to just stay at an even keel...side effects? DEPRESSION!!!!!!
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- I try and it gets me nowhere.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Been about a year with the same therapist...really love her...No more agoraphobia, sort of. I mean like today Nov. 22, 2009, I didn't leave my apt. once...can't face going out when this panicky, but normally I am okay.
- Seroquel Not Working
- Didn't work, caused major panic.
- Xanax Working / Worked
- Use to work, then they decided people were getting addicted, so they switched me to Klonopin.
Open Loneliness
I am a 52 year old woman going through the most lonely time of my life. I never married, and only relatives are two sisters and their families. Due to my current depression (really bad) and panic disorder, I have lost (they have left me, actually) all my friends. I am on Disability and am not working. I feel like the lonliest person on the planet.
Open Obesity
I am morbidly obese and I hate the fact that I am soooo addicted to food and can't give it up. I hate myself and the way I look and the way others look at me. I know I am a well educated person with a great personality, and I am going to give this one more try, starting tomorrow (1/28/09)as I have seen a dietetian and going to try again. BTW, I have lost and gained over 100 pounds several, SEVERAL times in my life, but always gain it all back quickly. I have this sick relationship with food.
Treatments
- Jenny Craig Working / Worked
- Worked while I could afford it.
- Overeaters Anonymous (OA) Working / Worked
- Worked when there were actually meetings in our town.
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
- Worked great...can't go to the gym now due to really bad agoraphobia and money...I am going to try and work out at home in the privacy of my bedroom.
- Slim-Fast Not Working
- Doesn't stop my hunger at all.
- Xenical Not Working
- Didn't work at all.
Open Self-Injury
I just started to cut 3 days ago. I am not a pre-teen or teen, I am 52 years old...it hurts a little but it relieves the pain inside of me.....I need help....I see a shrink who I hate and a therapist who I love.... I don't know what to do , but it does take the inside hurt of a lifetime of abuse and no love away.....
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I just started telling my counselor, but I am still cutting.....
- Tattoos Working / Worked
- Going to get one on Saturday...hope they don't see the cutting....
