well this is my first entry on …
well this is my first entry on here so I better make it a good one huh? LOL Well today was actually an ok day but I am …
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Waverly 
9:14pm Sunday
I was able to come up with a plan after talking to D today. I explained that I was overwhelmed with trying to maintain my mental health in a difficult and triggering work enviornment. This has been ongoing for years. We came up with a plan that until I can get out of this job, I will approach a doctor at the clinic about filing papers so that I can possibly go down to part time work. I have been on sick leave from work before when I was hospitalized, and when I was seriously suicidal. I am headed in that direction, and I want to stop it before it gets to that level again. I was thinking there was no way out except the end, but this gives me something to work toward. Some hope for less burden. If I continue on the way I have been, I will end up in the psych unit again. Maybe there is a way I can stop that whole process again without it meaning end of life. I have to have the guts now to advocate for myself. I have to reach out to a doctor that I don't know, as mine is on leave. If that doesn't work I will have to try my old psychiatrist who won't see me anymore because i am not an inpatient. If something doesn't give I will be an inpatient soon enough and then, it is a much harder road to recovery. It is so hard to speak up for myself and ask for help, but I did it with D, and I will have to do it with a doctor, and possibly my employer. This is probably one of the hardest things for me to do. Please, let something give, I am so burned out.
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Speak up, genuinely
Progress 80%
Encouragements: 2
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Hey Sweety,
I think going down to part time or easier work is good idea
keeping busy is important but having some time to think and rest is important too
When ever i feeling down or wanting to give up
I think about what i haven't done yet (had my baby and raised her)
and that keeps me going
I hopes this helps babe and i hope something nice comes you way super soon
:)
liltif
A lack of assertiveness comes from internalize self-shame.
A fear of rejection is a hindrance to self expression.
Fear and shame were inculcated to a child, with your name, one day...and they became living dying concepts that now have a perpetuating life of their own.
It's time to kill the schema.
Tigerpaws
Good for you for recognizing the plight before it got to be too much to handle. Yes, there IS a way out! Its what your doing right now, going down to part time work and asking for help. Yes, its very hard to ask for it. And worse case scenario, if you end up in the hospital again, that is still a way out of depression! You are a hard worker Jon and you will work hard through this. I understand where you've been and where your headed. You CAN do this!
Prove it to yourself. I have no doubt in my head that deep down you know you can and you will. Doesn't mean you have to look forward to it ;) Dont confuse dread for self doubt.
Good luck friend, lean on me anytime...
scubagirl1
Sorry I called you Jon, I saw his avatar right above my post while I was typing. But I WAS talking to you. We have nice chats, and I know you have the strenght to handle this. Good luck :)
scubagirl1
ok, now I feel really silly..... I totally confused your avatar for another friend who is going through something similar! I thought I was on a different page all together! Wow, I feel like an idiot.!!
Anyhow good luck to you as I attempt to collect what face I have left and leave, lol!!!
scubagirl1
You can do this. You know what you have to do and you know you have a constructive way out. I know the feelings can be too much to take at times but use the knowledge as strength to get you through. Doctors, even if you don't know them, are there to help. They care and they will do whatever possible to help.
I just thought of something. Perhaps you could see if you could contact a social worker to take some of the outreach burden off you. They can help you fill out paperwork, find where you need to go and emotionally support you as you do these things.
I hope this advice helps and I have confidence you will find strength to do this.
laurenanne6
You have a lot of inner strength. I know it is so hard to ask for help but you owe it to yourself. You can do this. Doing part time work is definitely the better alternative here.
HighlandRose
I am so glad to hear that you have a plan of action. It puts a little hope at the end of that dark tunnel. I wish you the best of luck :)
ladymnlite