luvscoco99's Journal

Oh, it's just moi' again!

But, I am NOT doing all that wonderful...I am eating stuff that raises the sugars..to about 241 or higher..(and yeah..I know this is BAAAD!!!)

I figure that if I do not eat..or eat a LOT less...as in smaller meals..and walk more..maybe I will NOT have those super high sugars..and I will actually lose some weight! But, the last time that I lost a good deal of weight..and more importantly..I lowered the sugars...I practically starved myself!

Also, my schedule is all OFF! I do NOT eat breakfast when it is breakfast.or lunch...and or dinner time..and I can't always sleep..and forget about having meds that HELP you to sleep...those meds make me feel REALLY, REALLY pooped!! I hate that!!

I do NOT want to be this zombie..walking around feeling so damn lethargic that I cannot lift my head up any more!! ARRRRGH!!

(I have a med that I ONLY take for EXTREME emergency purposes...but, I really would prefer NOT to have it..because it makes me sooo sleepy that the next AM I feel like I still cannot wake up!!!)

But, with regards to the "schedule" thingy...for us diabetics..I HATE and LOATHE schedules...WHY, WHY, WHY!!! Must I be on a stupid schedule..damn it!!( *stomp, stomp, stomp!!!*)

I want to eat and sleep when I say so..NOT because of this damn disease!!

I also want to be able to eat what I want to...NOT because this disease is RULING over moi'!!!!

*&^%$%$)@#@# diabetes!! Sheeesh!!!

(cuss, swear, or as my old best friend and I used to say(and she sort of made this up for us to say when we would get pissed off(LOL!!) was S.F.A.D.! (Shit, Fuck, Ass, Damn!!!) LOL!!

It helped...for when we were sooo upset and sooo damn angry...and things were NOT working out for us..that is what We would say!! S.F.A.D.!!!!

It helped...let me just add that!! lol!!

I am angry at this writing..because I have also been told bymy hubby NOT to go and spend my money any more as well!

I want to sooooo badly..and I do not think that I am going to be able to anymore...(I will be put on a budget..because I OVER spent some much needed money...some from family..and well, now I cannot pay for certain things..and hubby has to take it out of HIS account..and he is already paying child support among several other things..and tonight I said to him that I NEED to spend money..and so he asked me why?

I didn't really have a GREAT answer..so I said that I would have to "get back to him" about that...but, later I told him that I feel better when I go out and spend the money..and he told me that if I felt that way..that I needed to go and get myself a job!! Shit!!

(I cannot sponge off of him any more...I know..I am sooo awful...I know!!) Okay..so, Yeah, there is an "evil" me...sometimes...and sometimes..the stubborn part of me takes over also with my O.C.D and makes this a LOT harder for me to deal with the correct way!! Like I said before...S.F.A.D.!!! LOL!!)

Sorry..I am sort of down tonight..but, I am thinking seriously of getting a job...so that I can spend my money in ways that I want to!! and I will not have a snubby hubby breathing down my neck about money!!! LOL!!

Talk to ya later....I really need to grow the bleep up! I know!!

Waaaah!!!

luvscoco99 {Who is feeling kinda depressed right about now!! }