2hearts's Journal

Today I celebrate 25 yrs of sobriety. I don't see the numbers but the personal changes that made within myself through out the process.

I remember saying to my therapist "When  am I going to get there? She says me where is there? I did not know. And today I am not there yet.  What I  realize now is when I stop growing emotionally and spiritually.  The "there" is when I pass over.

I started drinking at the age of 25 up to 39 yrs old. I survived to drink thru out the marriage. The reason I drank was to kill the pain of my past and being in a domestic abuse marriage.

I did not drink to be happy or being the life of a party. It added to my numbness. The first 39 yrs of my life I lived in a land of frozen tundra and shut down so I did'nt have to feel. So the past 25 yrs I am thawing out those parts of me that needs to be healed.

At some point I said to my therapist.  That she gave me hope. Because she cared. I had her crying.  But I never had anyone who really care about me.  That was a huge healing piece for me......

( this is to be continued )