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thespianpsyche 
Ugh. Today's my first day here and I feel like if I don't write something I might explode. My whole life has been in an upheaval since last May. I graduated with my MBA just weeks before the store I was a manager at learned they lost their contract and would be closing down.
Surprisingly, I was happy about this - because I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to break into the world of Human Resouces (my major). I certainly didn't want to be a retail manager forever. But after a month of unemployment, I decided to intern at a local hospital in their HR department. It was a wonderful experience for me - I really learned a lot, but there was no position available for me at the time, so I ended up leaving their to take a temp job at another company.
The temp job was - to say the less - not enjoyable. There is such a stigma to being a temp and I was hated feeling like I didn't belong. In fact, that is a huge problem for me. When I feel like I'm not supported at work, I lose my confidence. The job was not challenging and yet it was stressful for me because I was very anxious. It didn't help that I was no longer on prozac, since I had lost my health benefits when the store closed and a temp I had none.
I stayed with the job for months, since I was hoping they would eventually hire me and things would improve. Finally, I got impatient and told one of my co-workers that I wanted to know soon if I was going to be made permanent (it had been 4 1/2 months). Less than a week later, I was let go.
I've had three panic attacks since it happened. (And considering I've only had five in my whole life, three in one month is terrible). Tired of the whole temping crap, I went back to my former company (where I had been a manager before) and coicidentally they had a position open for me. The pros are that I now have benefits and should be back on meds within the next two weeks. Unfortunately, the job pays even worse than my last one and is incredibly boring. But I suppose I should be grateful I have a job at all.
However! Two weeks into this job, I recieved an email from the place I interned at over the summer. They have a position available and wondered if I wanted to interview. The interview was about a week and a half ago - and every day since then I've been anxious out of my mind! It would be such an amazing job if I got it - not to mention a shorter commute and probably more money (which I desperately need with my growing student loan payments and my upcoming wedding). Not to mention - in my field!!!
Of course, I have my mind is racing with reasons why I won't get it! Was I not confident enough during the interiew? Should I have asked more questions? Am I underqualified? Am I overeducated? Are they concerned about the temp position? And then, of course, there is the feelings of dread I get it I do get it. I hate quitting jobs because I'm always worried what people think of me. Of course I'll give adequate notice - and hopefully no one can fault me for taking a better opportunity.
I have no idea how long the hiring process is, but they mentioned in the interview that it would take a few weeks. I just have to find a way to keep calm until then. Getting back on my meds will be a wonderful thing though. Until then, it's lots of kava tea and exercise to help ease the constant thinking and worry.
Surprisingly, I was happy about this - because I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to break into the world of Human Resouces (my major). I certainly didn't want to be a retail manager forever. But after a month of unemployment, I decided to intern at a local hospital in their HR department. It was a wonderful experience for me - I really learned a lot, but there was no position available for me at the time, so I ended up leaving their to take a temp job at another company.
The temp job was - to say the less - not enjoyable. There is such a stigma to being a temp and I was hated feeling like I didn't belong. In fact, that is a huge problem for me. When I feel like I'm not supported at work, I lose my confidence. The job was not challenging and yet it was stressful for me because I was very anxious. It didn't help that I was no longer on prozac, since I had lost my health benefits when the store closed and a temp I had none.
I stayed with the job for months, since I was hoping they would eventually hire me and things would improve. Finally, I got impatient and told one of my co-workers that I wanted to know soon if I was going to be made permanent (it had been 4 1/2 months). Less than a week later, I was let go.
I've had three panic attacks since it happened. (And considering I've only had five in my whole life, three in one month is terrible). Tired of the whole temping crap, I went back to my former company (where I had been a manager before) and coicidentally they had a position open for me. The pros are that I now have benefits and should be back on meds within the next two weeks. Unfortunately, the job pays even worse than my last one and is incredibly boring. But I suppose I should be grateful I have a job at all.
However! Two weeks into this job, I recieved an email from the place I interned at over the summer. They have a position available and wondered if I wanted to interview. The interview was about a week and a half ago - and every day since then I've been anxious out of my mind! It would be such an amazing job if I got it - not to mention a shorter commute and probably more money (which I desperately need with my growing student loan payments and my upcoming wedding). Not to mention - in my field!!!
Of course, I have my mind is racing with reasons why I won't get it! Was I not confident enough during the interiew? Should I have asked more questions? Am I underqualified? Am I overeducated? Are they concerned about the temp position? And then, of course, there is the feelings of dread I get it I do get it. I hate quitting jobs because I'm always worried what people think of me. Of course I'll give adequate notice - and hopefully no one can fault me for taking a better opportunity.
I have no idea how long the hiring process is, but they mentioned in the interview that it would take a few weeks. I just have to find a way to keep calm until then. Getting back on my meds will be a wonderful thing though. Until then, it's lots of kava tea and exercise to help ease the constant thinking and worry.
