I'm SO SO stupid
August 16, 2009 3:29am
Thursday night I was stupid. I was drunk but this time I actually went through with my phone call. I started talking with my ex. I know all the …
Progress
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xxdesperate2changexx 
2:07am Thursday
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About Me
xxdesperate2changexx
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About Me
I am a student at UCSB, but am taking my last class at UCLA. WOO HOO!!!! Graduating a year ealry.... well not really woo hoo. I wanted to do 5 yrs, but stupid cal grant got cut off. I'm an only child. I'm pretty shy...wallflower (social events make me nervous and anxious). I have an small group of close friends and a bunch of acquaintances (you know, hi and bye people). I'm a living contradiction too...ie: I can be super negative, yet I can give people positive points of view. I think I'm bi-polar (since I can be totally positive now and in 2 seconds I'm back to negative). I'm a super loyal and caring friend, but I have a hard time making friends in the first place. Ugh...like I said...TOO shy.
I am a student at UCSB, but am taking my last class at UCLA. WOO HOO!!!! Graduating a year ealry.... well not really woo hoo. I wanted to do 5 yrs, but stupid cal grant got cut off. I'm an only child. I'm pretty shy...wallflower (social events make me nervous and anxious). I have an small group of close friends and a bunch of acquaintances (you know, hi and bye people). I'm a living contradiction too...ie: I can be super negative, yet I can give people positive points of view. I think I'm bi-polar
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Interests
I like listening to music and dancing(although I can't dance). I like learning new things, like camping and mountain climibing and that stuff(I haven't done them in years which is sad!). Love movies, love being introduced to new music, food, movies, culture, etc
I like listening to music and dancing(although I can't dance). I like learning new things, like camping
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Recent Activity
Thursday
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xxdesperate2changexx updated their status 2:07am
I've no idea where life is taking me.…
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xxdesperate2changexx changed their mood to OK 2:06am
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xxdesperate2changexx and cellogrl314 are now friends 2:04am
November 19
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xxdesperate2changexx turned 22 12:00am
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Journal
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Drowning in depression again
May 29, 2009 9:51pm
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's almost been 6 months since the end of my relationship and I'm still not over it. I hate being lonely.... and I …
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1st session
January 13, 2009 8:33pm
I went to my first counseling session today. Well..... my first since June. It was different from the FIRST time I ever went to counseling. I …
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Pretty good start
January 8, 2009 3:59pm
This morning started pretty well. I had breakfast, watched a bit of tv, went to walk/jog and now I'm watching Sesame Street. While I walked/jog I …
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Hugbook
Give xxdesperate2changexx a hug
Hug
Flower
lol!!!!!!! well I have you now on myspace...I will talk to you there sweetie...you know people here are something else not all of them but some..
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Little Love
Hey sweetie i am getting better... I deleted my old myspace account... heres the new... http://www.myspace.com/vanilla_doll
Hug
how are things?
Flower
xxxxoxoxox Hoping you are having a beautiful day!
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Treatments
- Meditation Working / Worked
- This usually is me just going to the track and walking, or jogging, but it's me so it's mostly walking. lol. Lazy ass!
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Just started REALLY implementing this. When I feel a bad thought coming I force myself to see things from a different perspective. It's helped so far.
- Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
- Don't know yet. I asked her if we could do interpersonal and cognitive therapy...I heard that with the meds has a high working result. We'll see how it goes
- Wellbutrin Too Soon to Tell
- I honestly don't know yet. It's 150mg and it's the XL so only once a day-good cuz I'd 4get-
- Writing Working / Worked
- From middle school to the 3rd year of hs I wrote poetry when I was down. Now I keep a journal
Close Bipolar Disorder
So....I am now diagnosed with depression and cyclothymia. I guess it's a milder form of bipolar(?) That's what the doc said. Trying to fit in some reading on it, but it's kinda hard with the stuff I have to read at school (supposed to read). Umm...On medication and talking to a psychologist. All of this is new to me...we'll see what happens.
Treatments
- Wellbutrin Too Soon to Tell
- I feel like it's working, I think...but I have to go see the doc again to see what's up
Open College Stress
I'm the kid that's always playing catch up yet never seems to accomplish it. Social life sucks...to say the truth I feel like "Rick James is gonna have to slap a b***h!". Don't know what I'm going to do after college. lol. Pfft! I don't even know what to do even now that I'm in it.
Open Stress Management
I'll hold things in and try to get by, but I blow in a panic fit. I do that for the smallest things too. I think it's just an accumulation of small things. Problem is I might mope around or blow up on people. Really don't want t blow on those who I care about just because I'm stressin.
Open Healthy Relationships
Been in a relationship for five years (6 this Septemberr) but we're always on and off the rocks. I really think he's the one (and he thinks the same of me) so I really want to learn to deal with things better so we can stay off the rocks as much as possible
Treatments
- Patience Working / Worked
- When we know the other is in a bad mood, we try to calm down, sympathize and be there...even if we're a bit ticked off. It works most of the time....but it's hard when you're short tempered
- Talking Working / Worked
- We'll talk about things when they're bothering us and we think it can lead into a big argument if we don't resolve it or atleast put the idea out there. 'Tis workin so far, but of course, nothin is perfect.
Open Obesity
What can I say. I wake up everymorning to see the same chick in the mirror- thar freakin fat-ass
Open Fitness Goals
Type: Improve overall fitnessHigh. I'm only 10 lbs away from obesity according to the body mass chart. I really need to lose the gut, the hard part is I have little will power to say no to those goodies and yes to the exercise. Here I am to start improving my health
Open Family Issues
Let's just say I have daddy issues.
Treatments
- Music Working / Worked
- If it's happy, I feel happy too. Helps me calm down and not yell or cry when I think about the family problems.
- Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
- My psychologist seems to want to talk about dad pretty soon....ugh!
- Talking Working / Worked
- Too bad I haven't done it with the one I have most problems with-dad. It works great with my mom though.
Open Breakups & Divorce
Recently left this nice guy who's insecurity ruined everything. I should be happy to be free from that, but here I am being depressed.
Treatments
- Family Therapy Not Working
- Tried couples therapy to work out the relationship. We stopped going because he felt the guy was only aiming at him....I wonder why (sarcasm)
- Leave Too Soon to Tell
- I've left him 4 times. He didn't really change when I came back, so I'm trying to make this 4th time the last time I leave.
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- I have to get away from depressing songs. I Have a 'get over him' playlist where it's just songs that remind me of why I left and/or how I'm strong/
- Reading Too Soon to Tell
- I can't stay focused on any book for now...but I know that when I find one that captures me- I will be sucked into that world.
- Talking Too Soon to Tell
- I talk to my friends and mom about it. I also keep a diary. Sometimes it helps, other times I feel worse or sometimes I just want them to shut up and not mention him at all. I feel sorry for them- plus- I don't feel like I can be open with them. I don't know why
- Time Somewhat Helpful
- It's helping some....but it still hurts and the sadness and pain sneak attack sometimes.
Open Panic Attacks
xxdesperate2changexx hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Loneliness
xxdesperate2changexx hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Self-Injury
xxdesperate2changexx hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety
xxdesperate2changexx hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
