final letdown
May 9, 2009 4:20pm
hi. im just writing to say that i'll be gone for good indefinitely. in the last few days, i've gone down to an even deeper level of despair. …
NobodyGoingNowhere
1:46am, March 10, 2009
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About Me
NobodyGoingNowhere
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About Me
im No1. and that doesn't stand for Number 1. and maybe i am someone that matters. but if i can't be around people, how will i ever matter to them? considerate, funny, smart. wut good is any of that if you can't share it? there's also a ton more stuff beyond that. it's heavy on my mind and my heart. and it would take a few hundred more words to explain. so check my journal. my myspace is myspace.com/nobody0707. i feel i could write a book all about this problem and still no one could understand exactly where my mind is at. why i have no optimism or fortitude or reason to try. lately, something has transcended my social problem. sunk me to a lower depth.
im No1. and that doesn't stand for Number 1. and maybe i am someone that matters. but if i can't be around people, how will i ever matter to them? considerate, funny, smart. wut good is any of that if you can't share it? there's also a ton more stuff beyond that. it's heavy on my mind and my heart. and it would take a few hundred more words to explain. so check my journal. my myspace is myspace.com/nobody0707. i feel i could write a book all about this problem and still no one could understand exactly
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Interests
i'll just copy this from my facebook: norse mythology, sasquatch, the most popular group of mesozoic fauna, comic books (not a comic book nerd but enjoy a good read), watching pro wrestling, travelling, playing 360 on ocassion, goin' ta movies, laughing - and i mean genuinely laughing, not faking it just to entertain someone, stargazin', thunderstorms, frolicking through daisies and wut have u.
i'll just copy this from my facebook: norse mythology, sasquatch, the most popular group of mesozoic
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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try and be back.
May 7, 2009 11:38am
hey. sry for being gone so long. not even sure how long this time. i guess im feeling like the lyrics from "save yourself" by stabbing …
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Losing
April 9, 2009 3:00am
hey. well had another one of my haituses. just so difficult to be around anyone, even online. my brother's about the only one i've spoken to …
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Overcast to Consumed
March 23, 2009 3:03pm
sry havent gotten back to anyone for a while. been very sick with a cold. i think it may have had a psychological effect on me as well, as weird as …
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Just a Reply to the Last One
March 1, 2009 4:31am
just replying to everyone's comments. they help more than anything else could. thank you.
i understand about my mom. sometimes i feel bad …
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Hugbook
Chicken Soup
take care. keep your head up buddy =)
Hug
Hey :] how have you been ?
Hug
Thank you! I'll see what happened on msn so you can send a msg.ML.
Hug
im hoping your well stay strong miss talking to you
Little Love
Keep your head up..if you wanna talk. im here :)
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionit's gotten bad since hs. not having friends, a gf, a job, a life - it hurts. along with several other things. i could go on for pages.
Treatments
- Lexapro Not Working
- I don't feel it's lessening the intensity of my depression. I take 20 mgs once a day. I don't understand how a pill can control a problem caused by programmed thinking. haven't been on meds or therapy for months.
Open Shyness
been shy since first day i remember. i'm only around people not even 4 hrs a month anymore. but i'm obsessively self-conscious. darting eyes. aware of every body and facial movement. imagine giving a presentation or being on camera. it's that way all the time.
Open Phobia
Type: Social PhobiaI've had social phobia since I was born. It's not as debilitating as before, but I still prefer staying home than going places. Also, my fear of needles. And there's a big one that I can't even mention, let alone confront. Over time, it gets worse and is unavoidable. So it's that much more devastating.
Open Separation Anxiety
NobodyGoingNowhere hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Obesity
NobodyGoingNowhere hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
used to have it badly, now it's quite mild; havent officially been diagnosed w/ it. but its bad enuf to take the fun out of life. im too hard on myself due to it. it distorts my visual perception.
Open Loneliness
i'm physically completely alone for all but 2 or 3 hours a day. and even when i'm around my fam, i don't say anything. just sit in painful spiritual solitude. being alone w/ doubt damages ur perception of reality and identity. those things depend on socialization. cant explain my state of mind sufficiently.
Open Internet Addiction
im always on lately. keeps me from feeling alone. and i feel i'll find some sort of answer. i never do, but it distracts my mind, numbs it really, from the pain. i'd rather feel happy than numb, but i cant feel happy without the pain intruding and realizing the happiness is stifled and momentary.
Open Insomnia
when i was young i just couldnt sleep, but now im afraid to sleep. im alone, it's quiet, it's dark. cant feel anymore vulnerable. i stay on the computer to diminish the feeling. but i have to sleep. so at 3 or so, i try for an hour or two before i finally drift away from the conscious pain. but the moment i wake up, it's back stronger than ever.
