Journal

Hey Mom and Dad,  it has not been a good couple of days for me.  We just past your 53rd anninversary, and then we celebrated Aunt Irene and Uncle Joe's 62nd anniversary at the Cabin.  I hadn't been there in probably 30+ years, and it was just not the same without you guys.  I am really missing you, alot.  Now we are fast approaching the six year day of your passing mom, and it is still hurting alot.  I still cannot understand at times why you had to leave me. Both you and daddy.  I still feel too young to be without both of you, and I hate every day that Zack does not get to spend with you guys, his grandparents.  He will never ever know the true unconditional love you two always displayed.  That is so not fair to him, or to you guys.

I love you guys and I miss you so much, I hope and pray you are both at peace.  I wish with all my heart that you continue to communicate with me in certain ways.  I haven't experienced any signs lately, I miss them.  Luv YA!!!

Happy Birthday daddy.  Yes, this is the first year of your birthday without you, the Super Bowl was just not the same without the traditional SuperBowl/birthday bash.  Vince was going to have something small for us, but with his doggie Riley passing away so suddenly, they were just not up to it.  Did you and mommy come to get Riley?  The kids, and Vincey are still pretty upset about that.

Daddy, the economy stinks right now, you would be so disappointed in GE's performance right now, unfortunatly, my hands are tied, and we are all forced to wait it out for now.  The situation is really taking its toll on me, I wish there was something I can do, but I cannot.  I just hope it all comes back in the near future.  I am sorry, you entrusted me with handling things, and through real no fault of my own, I am not managing this too well.

Anyway, Zack was saying his bedtime prayers last night, and after asking God to bless you and mommy, he told me you came to see him.  He said you guys were playing the piano.  I have to believe that daddy, he is only 34 mos old, and he cannot possibly remember how much you and he played the piano while you were here.  I love it that you come to see him like that.  He needs you and mommy in his life somehow, it is so sad that the other grandparents are so selfish and self-centered, and just too busy to make time for Zack.  Oh well, their loss. 

It is tax season and poor little guy has to go to daycare 5 days a week until the middle of April.  Once again, we cannot depend on the other grandparents.  Well, when all of a sudden they become available as Zack gets older and remembers more, Zack will become more unavailable to them, if I have anything to say about it!!  Life is just so unfair daddy, I know you would not want me to keep Zack from the others, but I just don't want him to grow up thinking that their behavior is acceptable.  I want to raise my child properly and I want him to embrace the values I grew up with.  Hopefully he will see what is right and wrong, and will learn how to treat people properly, not be self-centered like they are.  He is at a disadvatage because he is an only child, but I am trying to raise him right.

I hope you and mommy are happy.  I hope and pray that Vince; Mark and I don't ever disappoint you.  We are trying to carry on the traditions, so far, we have been there for each other.  Zack still asks for you daddy, he misses you, I am glad he still remembers.  To loose you at 23 months and still ask about you truly makes me believe you are still there for him on a certain level.  Please stay there for him!!!  I love you daddy, and mommy too!  Talk to you soon.