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missulance 
1:23am Saturday
Just reflecting on everything over the past 22 months without Lance. The first year life just seemed to move in slow motion. Looking back I really have a difficult time in remembering half of the things I did, I really was in a fog. My head seems to be more clear now, my heart is still empty and longing for what I can't have. If this makes any sense at all my heart is empty and longing for him to come home, and yet filled with so much love for him and how blessed I was to have him in my life even though it was not long enough. Even though we had some difficult times in the end I am the person I am today because of having Lance in my life. I am making choices to pick my self up everyday and take one more step forward, I have made quite a bit of progress in completing the many projects that he had started around our home, I think he would be very pleased. I am finding purpose in life again, learning to live and laugh again and be happy with myself as an individual person.
I am having Thanksgiving at my home, and trying to start new traditions, for the kids and hopefully one day when they have families of their own. I think that Christmas will always be a difficult time for our family not just because of the holiday but because it will always hold such tragic memories of our loss just 3 days prior and all of the things that we had to do to prepare for his funeral during what should have been a joyous time of the year. So again this year I am just going to wing it and take the kids lead on this one.
A sign that we are getting stronger, Angela expressed a desire to put the cross back up on the side of the road. I took it down 3 months after the accident because it was just to hard for Dylan passing by everyday on his way to school. Angela's pictures have posted on the clothing web-site. How exciting, you can even see part of Lance's name in the memorial tatoo that she had put on her arm. She goes for a job interview tomorrow, I really hopes she gets it $ are getting pretty tight with my hours getting cut 2 months ago.
This morning I drove her car to work, to make sure all was working properly, nothing funny that we need to take it in for. I forget these things because this was what Lance ALWAYS took care of.
Dylan is pulling almost all 'A' s even with his AP classes and band practice 6 days a week. I am so blessed to have to wonderful kids.
We are getting there one day at a time with God's help and direction.
UPDATED GOALS
get more organized
Progress 75%
Encouragements: 4
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Comments
missyoulance,
It's so good to hear that you are moving forward on your long journey. It's such an inspiration to me just knowing things will eventually get better and I will, some how get my life back, and realize also that my life could be more fulfilling.
Keep on the right track, proud of you and your family.
You're on my friends list, hopefully we can chat one on one sometime O.K.?
It's almost 12:30 am here, so I need to get to bed. Hope to chat with you soon
BIG HUG Wayne
waynewhite
I am glad that you are moving along and that your kids are doing much better. It is also difficult for them because I can see the pain in my children's eyes everyday. My son commented the other day that he not only lost his father but his best friend who listen to music with him, talk to him, eat together, watch movies together and shared jokes and dreams of the future. He said mom "how do I keep going?" It is so hard for the whole family and I understand your pain and I hope to someday get to the point where you are. I know that Lance is proud of you and he is know your family guardian angel. Take care and thank you for sharing your story it gives us hope that someday we will get to that place that you are at this time. God bless you. Hugs Linda
lindalun
God Bless you and your children Denise. I know what a difficult journey this has been for you. I'm happy for you that things are getting better for you and your kids. I saw your wedding picture posted here and I saw that your wedding anniversary is Feb. 16th. That is the day Danny died. It will be 2 years for us. So, I can imagine the anxiety you have with the upcoming holidays. Big Hug,Sharon
mommysw
Yes, you are indeed healing and finding yourself and your purpose again in life. This is what Lance would want for you, I am sure. Kudo's!
Tigerpaws
So good to read about happy things happening for you and your family. You inspire me to keep trying and going.
Susan
SusanCD
missyoulance, what you said about you being the person you are today being because of Lance really hit a chord with me. My wife Kim passed away this August, just one month before our 20th anniversary. I'm still in and out of that fog you talked about. But I have thought about what a great gift it was to have her for those years. I am thankful for the wonderful memories of so many good times. And I am thankful for the person she made me into-so much of the good in me is because of her. And it is a strange paradox-without the strength she gave me while she was with me, I wouldn't be able to handle life without her. I don't want to handle life without her, and missing her is so emotionally painful that it feels physically painful too. But she taught me to believe in my strength, and because of her I am strong and confident. I don't feel that strong and confident right now, but I keep working at living. When I don't feel strong enough to get out of bed, I remember how much she believed in me. It is still so painful to think about all the good times because she is gone. But I hope as time passes, I can take more comfort in the memories. Well sorry for just talking about myself-it's all still so recent. It is encouraging to hear from you that things get easier to deal with. Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you continue to learn to cope and to keep living life and continue to learn to enjoy life.
mercy, peace, and love be yours in abundance,
Lang
LangAllenReeves