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nannyp 
I fully expect today to be a rough day. 28 years ago today @ 12:30 pm I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was small, but her head was pretty round and she had this beautiful complexion. We wanted this little girl. She made our family complete. She was an extremely good baby compared to my son. He screamed and cried for 6 months with colic. She on the other hand was content. She even started sleeping thru the night @ 2 weeks old. We all loved her, and maybe we loved her too much. Maybe we spoiled her. Maybe because she was so contented, we did not give her enough attention. Maybe it wasn't our fault, but maybe it was. I expect today to be rough for both of us. My daughter has always expected alot of attentionl. Today she will expect me to give her a gift or to at least say "Happy Birthday", but neither will happen. I love her, but this time I don't think that I can ever forgive her for what she had done to herself, her kids and to us. I feel like I have tried all that I can. I can't get the picture of that beautiful baby girl out of my head. How did we end up here. She reminded me on Monday that today was her birthday. What mother needs to be reminded of their childrens birthdays. I heard her on the phone with Dev last night and she was asking him what today was. He got very frustrated because he did not know what she was talking about. I think she thinks he should know..We have not discussed it. I don't want to celebrate. You know people say, that there is a difference between a bio parent and person who actually parents the child. I feel that way too. I also think that there is a difference between a bio child and one that acts like your child. I did give birth to her and I expect some respect for just being her Mom. I never abandoned her, I never mistreated her, I did all the Mom things. Our generation was raised to respect our elders. We never ever said to our parents, I AM AN ADULT. Besides how can you say that and then act like a child. Kristen has changed my life forever. Positively and negatively and I am sorry to say that the negative has far outweighed the positive in the last 5 years. Kristen I Love and Miss you and I will for the rest of my life. Things have happened that will keep us apart for a very long time if not forever. Happy Birthday Baby Girl.
