Journal Entry for June 28, 2008
June 28, 2008 12:39pm
So I know it has been awhile, and I apologize...I am in the process of finding a place to live.
Justin and I are not …
Progress
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pmoore88
12:19pm, November 13, 2008
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About Me
pmoore88
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About Me
I am a 23 year old female, who has had to fight to survive since the very begining. I have 4 other sisters, 1 brother, and have always felt like the "unwanted package." My biological alcoholic father left me at age 2, and since then I have had 2 other "fathers, " one of which sexually abused me, and the other who uses anger and violence to get his point across. The only pure joy I have in my life is my gift for writing for which I would have never found any source of freedom from my tattered life
I am a 23 year old female, who has had to fight to survive since the very begining. I have 4 other sisters, 1 brother, and have always felt like the "unwanted package." My biological alcoholic father left me at age 2, and since then I have had 2 other "fathers, " one of which sexually abused me, and the other who uses anger and violence to get his point across. The only pure joy I have in my life is my gift for writing for which I would have never found any source of freedom from my tattered life
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Interests
I love to write, draw, and sing. I have written many poems, and am also currently working on a book. I also love white tigers, whales/dolphins, tinkerbell, and love to act/drama. Marilyn Monroe is one of my many role models, and I hope one day to get married and have children.
I love to write, draw, and sing. I have written many poems, and am also currently working on a book.
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Update
May 22, 2008 4:00pm
Update....
* Justin finally got a job at Walmart in their garden department.
* Rent was able to get paid, and I had my first real meal in …
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A Bad Experience at Church
May 11, 2008 11:16am
I apologize...I know it has been awhile, but yes I am still alive and well. It has been a tough couple of weeks, and today …
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Taking Each Minute at a Time
April 21, 2008 10:15am
Well I am still here, I am sorry for the long wait, I have been busy, so it takes me longer than usual. I have been taking …
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Update
April 10, 2008 12:12pm
Well...the last few days have been rough, and I am still trying to figure out the real reason behind them freezing the money …
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Hugbook
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Hope you are doing better!
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only His unconditional love will give you grace to get through the difficult times in your life. Only His unconditional love will embrace you and give you peace. (((((((HUGS))))))) & Blessings
Prayer
hi! I hope that you are ok.
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This is a mass hugg, but it is for you... Have an incredible day inspite of what you may be dealing with!
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
I started self injury at the age of 21, while I was in college. While dealing with the stress of school, roomate troubles, relationship stress, financial problems, and various other problems, I shut myself into the bathroom and started cutting. Six months later, after a major downward spiral, a friend of mine called the cops after he believed I was going to commit suicide, and I was believed to be a threat to myself and put into Pine Rest. I have been struggling and with self injury sense.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- I experienced group therapy in Pine Rest, and honestly hated it. I like the more one on one approach, the effectiveness without looking like a group experiment.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- While in the Emergency room, they did try and make me talk with a social worker, however I was having none of it. Also in Pine Rest, I was assigned two doctors to watch over me. During this time, though I did discover some things, I left more like an animal than an actual human being. I was given a label and given no medication to help me recover. Honestly, my recovery came from the other patients, sharing our experiences. This is why I joined Daily Strength.
- Talking Working / Worked
- It seems to help when I talk with others who have went through the same experince. Those who are not cutters, seems to never truly understand.
Close Cerebral Palsy
I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at 1 year of age. Out of the three main types, I believe that I have the fourth one that is a mixture of all three types. My Cerebral Palsy affects my legs, limbs, motor skills, and I also have a learning disability. I also suffer from seizers, which can be so severe that I have to be taken to the Emergency room, as well as muscle cramps, and kidney stones. Surgeries have been countless, and I seem to be sick more days than not.
Treatments
- Heel Cord Lengthening Working / Worked
- I was too young to even remember the surgery itself, but I was able to teach myself how to walk.
Open Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
My obsessions revolve around cleaning mainly. I HATE having a dirty house, and when things are not done a certian way, a voice repeats continuously, until it "feels right."
Open Anger Management
ANGER is my middle name. I have been known to loose my temper on the smallest of situations, as well as throw items such as desks, chairs, and anything else I can get my hands on. I have hurt people during my rages, and have lost many friends in the process.
Open Anxiety
I worry about everything, most things other people would never worry about. For example, since we live in a second story apartment, what if it were to catch fire, how would I be able to get out. It seems to eat at my mind all the time, and I am continuously checking things daily, like my spelling, doors, windows, etc. I think it bleeds in with being obsessive compulsive as well.
Open Chronic Pain
I suffer from back pain and muscle cramps. It can get so bad that I can barely walk or even enjoy the day.
Treatments
- Heat Working / Worked
- To try and lessen the pain, I use heat and Tylenol 8 hour. It does not completely take it away, but the doctors seem to tell me nothing else.
- Physical Therapy Working / Worked
- I went through physical therapy till the age of 18.
Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a RelativeThe most important person that I have lost was my grandpa. It was an unexpected death and I did not even get the chance to say goodbye. I seem to loose everyone close to me, and it has hardened me, and prevented me from getting close to anyone...even my own boyfriend.
Treatments
- Crying Somewhat Helpful
- I seem to cry daily, and though it helps to release the pain, it does not bring them back.
- Getting Angry Not Working
- I have always had an explosive anger, and it only gets worse when someone close to me dies.
- Helping Others Working / Worked
- I love to help others, seeing the joy in others, helps me deal with my problems.
- Keeping Busy Working / Worked
- I try to keep busy, but I find myself drifting back to my memories.
- Music Working / Worked
- I love music, it seems to be my life blood...along with singing writing, and drawing, this is what keeps me going.
- Pets Working / Worked
- I have my cat Happy, and though she may drive me nuts, I do love her; and I will be getting a dog very soon.
- Poetry Working / Worked
- I write poetry all the time, and when I do it seems to flow out of me. I even wrote a poem for my grandpa's funeral and read it.
- Remembering Somewhat Helpful
- This workd, but it still causes a lot of pain.
- Talking Working / Worked
- I love to talk with others who are going through a similar problem; it gives me a sense of connection and love.
- Time Not Working
- No amount of time will bring them back into my life.
Open Sexual Abuse
I was sexually abused by my step father at age 11; raped by a friend at age 15, and now my recent step father emotionally and physically has abused me as well.
Treatments
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
I have been emotionally and physically abused by my parents, friends, family, boyfriends, and it seems to be a never-ending cycle.
Treatments
- Talking Working / Worked
- This does work, but many of my friends and family eventually leave.
Open Psoriasis
Affected Areas: Psoriasis of the SkinThough this disease can be passed through generations, I am however the only person in my family who suffers from it. I was diagnsed at age 15, and it came on all of a sudden. I hate buying different clothes, in fear that it will flake off my scalp and appear on my clothes. I was also told I have a type that is worse then others...great!
Open Eating Disorders
I feel like a cow, and though I do eat, I try to restrict how much I eat, for fear of gaining weight.
Open Healthy Relationships
My boyfriend Justin and I have been dating for nearly 2 years. It was a roller coaster ride at the begining and it just keeps going.
Treatments
- Patience Working / Worked
- Patience only goes so far.
- Talking Not Working
- Everytime I talk with him it goes right over his head, and he tuns out, or he gives a negative response and walks away.
- Writing Working / Worked
- There are many times where I have written poems, and journals about this relationship. I even wrote a 5 page journal on the start of our relationship and my feelings about it.
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Dealing with my abuse, my mother, and various other stressors, sometimes it is hard to even get out of bed, let alone outside. I do not have many friends outside of D.S. and I am trying hard to better myself and my life.
Treatments
- Effexor Somewhat Helpful
- I was perscribed this after I was seeing horrible images on the other medication. I had to stop because I could not afford it anymore.
- Psychotherapy Considering
- I used counseling while I was in Pine Rest, however that was only for 3 days. I would love to go back.
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- My friends and family are there, even though they may loose patience with me.
- Writing Considering
- I write all the time, even though it seems to work to get my feelings out. How else can I express what I am feeling?
