Journal

about a years ago in january i started geting sick in the mornings . i thought nothing of it i though it was withdralls from my birth control . then a few ays later i went to the doctors. she did a pregnancy test on me . it turned out positive. i didnt know wat to do so i started crying and called  my mom to come to the doctors.she got there and my doctor told her i was pregnant. in the least to say she was shoked. later she asked me what i wanted to do i told her i wanted my baby. me and her got in alot of fights after that cause she didnt think i was ready to have a kid. well a few weeks went by and i went for my ultra sound . i was so excited i could see my son . ive never been so happy or in so much aww. well it turned out i was alot farther along thnan anyone thought we figured a was about a month . turns out i was about 4 months. well a few days after that i got a call from my doctor telling me to come and see her cause it was really important . so i did i was really scared of what she would say . i got there and she told me something was wrong with my baby. she said i had no amniotic fliud. she also said that the lungs ang kidneys wherent developing and i would lose my kid. she sent  me to a clinic. my mom made an appointment for me and i went .when i got there i was very upset knowing i was losing my kid.i talked to a counciler and she said she was suprised i hadnt misscarried yet(i was about 5 month) . so they had me go change later then put wood pieces in my uterus and gave me freezing then sent me home. the next day i went back and they. "cleaned " me out . my son was dead. later that night after the drugs wore off i went to bed . i had fallen into the habit of falling asleep with my hand on my stomach feeling his heart beat. and when i put my hand there it clued into me i no longer had a son and i wasnt going to be a mom. i cried myself to sleep that night and many after that. the reason i am sharing my story is cause i know other people have had simular expiriences and i know wat its like if you have any questions feel free to message me . i would love to talk thank you for taking the time to read this