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TLeigh 
7:40pm, October 15, 2009
Well hello everyone! I almost dropped off the face of the earth, but I'm back!! And there have been a LOT of changes. First of all.. I have moved on from the "ex". I am with a wonderful man now who loves me, who is clean and sober, who has real goals, works hard and accepts my past baggage, my daughter, me for what it is and loves us anyways!! We've been together since July 4th. He's awesome.
The next news I have is that I am clean and sober also...I don't take pain meds anymore for my Fibro or anything else. I did it for me, my own reasons, I had a problem with them and I fixed it. I still hurt plenty, but I don't think I hurt more without them! I used them to cover emotional pain and 1 was too many and 1,000 was never enough! So, done done done. It wasn't easy, and there are days I wish I had a pain pill, but I deal, and I am hoping to not ever have to use them again. I am NOT even judging anyone who does...I was abusing them, and I know it, and I had to stop.
I have missed you all and I will try to get on here as much as possible. I am very busy. VERY busy, but I think of you all often and hope you are doing well. Blessings always,
Toni
Comments
Well, I think stress has something major to do with my weight gain. I have lost like 3 lbs since Chris left the state. I'm still depressed, and I think I am in mourning of our marriage, but the STRESS itself of him is gone, the caretaking, the worrying, etc. I had lost weight before he came down here from MI and as soon as he got here, I swear I gained 10 lbs. Anyways, just babbling.
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Keeping you in my thoughts, and prayers. Your going to be just fine!
Well, I am still alive, and doing much better than I thought I would. The only thing scaring me, is I have a bad habit of avoidance, and I am not sure if I am doing ok for now because I am avoiding this, or if I am really doing ok! Codependence is so FUN! Ugh!! I know that sounds like I should KNOW when I am avoiding, but I have done it for so long that I dont' realize I am doing it anymore, then a year from now, all of a sudden I will freak out about what happened today! BUT, I did go get some more books : The Language Of Letting Go, and The Road Less Traveled. I plan on reading them like bibles.
I have a nerve wracking week ahead. My daughter starts Kindergarten, yes it's the middle of the year, but we lived in Indiana and the law there said she had to be 5 by June. Here in FL it says she had to be 5 by September! Her bday was in August, so she should be in school. She's going to miss more than half the year and it worries me. And she is terrified! She went to preschool in IN and she LOVED it, she even got mad at me when 1 day I was too sick to walk her to school. Just please, wish me luck with this that it all goes smoothly.
The other thing is, now that she is going back to school, I need to find a job. My mom has let me heal and rest all this time, which I am grateful. But, I am terrified!! LOL! I haven't worked in almost 2 years, and I am so unsure of myself, unsure I will wake up every day and GO, unsure of everything. I'm a bundle of nerves. I know I will feel better and my self esteem will get better too if I do, but it's the getting there that scares me. I just wanna go back to bed and sleep for another year!! (See what I mean about avoidance)!
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A job is a good thing! It will boost your self-esteem and give you a reason to get up and face the world everyday.
The school thing seems kind of silly to me. The year is almost over. Why can't she wait until fall? That is a little strange. My son starts this fall. I am not looking forward to it because daycare becomes more complicated..before school, lunch and after school bullcrap. But I did it with my other children I will do it again.
Anyhow..good luck with the job hunting. I am really good at doing resumes so if you need any help, just let me know!
Past Entries
| April 2008 |
Wednesday, 4/02
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March 2008 |
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Monday, 3/31
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Tuesday, 3/25
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Monday, 3/24
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Friday, 3/07
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Congratulations Toni! That is so awesome & must not have been easy to distance yourself enough from the situation to see that maybe there was a problem with the meds - when you have a lot of pain to deal with it's got to be very difficult to not cross the line over what's "too much"! As you know from my lengthy writings, my husband has the same difficulty. He is trying, though, I can see it now. And I hope that he is trying for HIM because, indeed, that's all that works. Are there other methods that help you cope with pain from your Fib. and bone pain? Chet sometimes get a lot of relief because many body parts are kind of broken, from time in a hot tub, biofeedback, and years ago before the meds took over, a "Tens" unit was helpful along with massage.
Best wishes, your friend when you need one, Sue
hungrylyon