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SWeden04 
1:16pm Wednesday
I need some help.
I've talked to my niece & it sounds like she wants to live with me.
she gets emancipated(gets to choose who to live with)when she turns 16 in Feb.
I really need some advice & help on this... even it it's a support group!!!
I LOVE & care about my niece!!!
I FEEL so BAd since i lost my sis!!(her mom)
I just want her to be happy & have some GOOD memories!!!
Comments
omg what a profound decision to make! i agree you need to seek a whole bunch of counsel from everywhere you can get it.
just my experience.. my bro and his ex were, let's say, less than ideal parents. when the ex died, my bro at least made one good decision and admitted he couldn't handle raising them. it breaks my heart to say, but it was a good decision.
then the dilemma. my nieces are fraternal twins and i would die for them i love them so much. and i wanted to take them in soooooooo bad. they were 13 i think at the time. my heart was breaking for them too b/c i wanted them to have some happy memories as well. their life had been literal hell being tossed between the two almost since birth. my amount of love was in no question. nor my willingness to take on the obligation.
but having our own twins 6 at the time, my wife was dead set against it. but i wanted to!
one went to live with family friends and is 16 now and doing very, very well. never seen her happier. the other is a wild cat and no way could we have handled her. but she's doing better now too - they are both back in the same town living with the same family. she had gone off to a camp type place i really can't explain.
for my own situation, and uniquely to all of us, i look back and can see that it would have been an awful decision. i've raised 9 yr olds. i haven't raised 'em out of the chute at 13, much less 16. they would have run all over me.
don't get me wrong, they are as sweet as candy i love them to death. but without the experience on MY part we either would have had constant wars (because they hadn't grown up with ME being their disciplinarian) or i would have rolled over and they MAY have gone hog wild.
what i do understand is that 16 is very, very tough. so i'll leave my story there and advise you to talk to parents of teens and everybody else in between.
hope that's helpful and major admiration for your love for her. {{{{hugs}}}}
roadkil
it's hard not knowing what 2 do
mycat
This is the time to turn inward and ask your higher power for help. The answer will be there for you.
nowandforever
This is definitely an answer you need to look within to find...Will her living with you cause you more to deal with or will she actually be able to possibly help you take care of your mother and maybe make things a little easier on you...You also have to consider whatever decision you make, can you live with it...Good Luck in your decision making...
BarelyExisting
My suggestion is to let her read your entry here. There are good and bad kids out there, just as there are good and bad parents. Only one walked this earth as perfect and there will never be another. We have to be honest with our teenagers, they know a lot more than we did as teens. They have a lot more to deal with "out there" than we did as teens!!! Open up the door to communication from both sides. Don't think for a minute that she doesn't have her doubts and fears too!! Does she know her father "can't handle this?" Does that affect her behaviour? Maybe if you told her how much help she could be to you and how much pressure she could relieve you of, she would feel wanted!!! That is the important thing here!!!!! Make her feel needed and wanted wherever she ends up!! And she should be praised and rewarded when she does show responsibility in this needful situation!!! Realize that she may feel like a burden to all of you! It is human nature to "Want To Be Wanted!" You say she is sweet as candy, but remember, chocolate melts easily. I think this child needs someone who wants her, the complete package" and is willing to work out the "kinks" as they arise. Just "Lay Down" your expectations and "Allow her to air her feelings and fears also!!!" She is after all, still a child. She hasn't had it easy if I am reading this right!!!
Just my opinion!!! Lots of luck!!!
qutee
Thanks for all of your advice Everyone!!!
I'm Really worried about my niece & I will try my Hardest to get custody of my niece!!!
it sounds like she's living in HELL & her brother is just using her for the money!!!
i'm not sure what to do!1
i just know that if i were 16 & lost my mom i'd want someone to love me & look to for advice.
I'd LOVE to be that "someone" special to my niece!!!
SWeden04
Good luck with your niece! We are guardians to our niece we had to go to court. We hired her an attorney so that her voice would be heard.
auntmama
you should let her live with you, if it's okay with you. she's 16 and she needs a mother figure in her teen years, wow i sound like an adult lol. im 15. if shes really unhappy living with her dad, maybe it would be good for her to live with someone other than her dad. talk to her about it, and figure out the best solution for both of you. im not going to say you should'nt feel bad about loosing your sister, because that wouldn't be healthy. but remember it wasn't your fault. even though i don't know what happened. she wouldn't want you to feel bad all the time. good luck! HUGS! :)
Elizzabeth