My husband and I are very discouraged, …
My husband and I are very discouraged, but we keep praying that it (getting preg.) will happen. I haven't really been …
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Im just so hurt by family right now. After we lost our baby it seems like everyone just fell off the face of the earth. I was hurt by my family and by DH's. I only had one brother out of five show up on my doorstep. I never heard from my mom after the D&C. But Im used to that because we havent had a great relationship these last few years. You would think though that seeing your daughter in shambles would do something to your heart. A daughter who did nothing but talk about being a mommy her whole life.
Anyway DH said he was going over to his dad's tonight for a bbq. I was releved I was working. He said he just wanted to talk with them about how they have disappeared. I was shocked because he usually never talks about this stuff with them. I just kept my mouth closed. Well his mom asked if I was back at work. He said yes I went back after two weeks. Then he mentioned how only one of my brothers came over and all hell broke lose. I guess it was an ugly scene. It came down to his dad saying our baby really didnt even matter because we were only 10 weeks along (we know how he feels about abortion but this was his son in pain--not necessary!). They saw our struggle. They saw how much this baby meant to us. They saw the face of their son when he announced we were pregnant. We even made it special by the way we told them. And now this. His mom started bringing up things from ten years ago that happened. Michael said he felt like it was just excuses. I think they know they were wrong but they were trying to cover it up. His mom said I was tempermental. Um I have really changed. I keep my mouth closed around them. He said to her well mom she lost a baby she needed you.
It just hurts because we have always dropped everything for them. They both have awful health and we go to them when they are in the hospital. Ive even had to call 911 for his mom before. We take her food late at night at the hospital or go and get her something from the vending machines. We have sat through a D&C for her for a baby she didnt even want so the miscarriage was no big deal (by some random boyfriend). Why was no one there even for DH while he sat all alone while I was in surgery? He had to talk to my doctor all by himself. I sometimes think that I had the easy part I was asleep.
So now we have lost our baby and we have lost our family. Can it get any better?
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Hey Amber. I am so sorry you are hurt. Michael's parents SHOULD have been more sensitive to him and to you, especially because he was reaching out. Criticism and judgment was not in order and they should have known better. Some people just don't know to shut their trap when they don't have anything good to say. Separate yourself from the hurt if possible. Don't let them bring you down. They are not lost, just lost in the dark.
jptobe
Sorry you are going through this...I, too, was shocked at how many people disappeared when I lost my babies....It just isn't fair. My mom wouldn't even acknowledge my pregnancy with Aiden until he was born. It hurts and it's hard. Thinking of you.
lvnikita
I'm so sorry you are going through this, it seems that this is how a lot of people deal with a m/c. They disappear. A lot of our friends disappeared because they thought we would "want to be alone". It hurts, and I'm so glad he spoke up even though he didn't get the result he wanted. It will get easier. BIG HUGS
klimawife
I am sorry you are going through this. For some odd reason people just don't think MC is that big of a deal. Because "we never knew them". But they don't get that it is still something very special to us mothers. Especially when we are going through the infertility process! I feel for you so keep your head up. Maybe they will come around and if not you don't need them. Much love and baby dust! xoxo
amandahofner121
I'm so sorry. I think some people stay away because they just don't know what to say. Still, DH's parents should have been there for you. I'm so very sorry. I wish I could help heal your heart!
JudylynS
~pulling out rocket launcher~ point me in the right direction!!!!!
twocubed
People grieve in different ways. Some people like to pretend it never happened. Sounds like they want to just forget the pregnancy ever occurred. All that putting it on you and making excuses is a pretty cowardly way of dealing with it. One thing I teach my children is that is OK to have any feeling you want. If someone tells you are wrong it is because they are not comfortable; it is their problem. It can be very hard for people to understand how hard it is on us. We invest everything into it emotionally, physically, even spiritually. I have had so many people in my real world live want to be there for me and then sort of back out because they don't understand or feel uncomfortable with the strong feelings it evokes. Please know that WE are here for you and that WE understand. I wish there were something that could help you get through this and heal your hearts. I am very sorry your family doesn't know how to be there for you. WE will be there whenever you need us -- ANY TIME!
suzannelin