AmberR's Journal

Well not much is going on. I had weird spotting last week so I thought maybe AF was coming on her own. Nothing. Have no idea what that was all about??? My body is still trying to get used to the new bp meds. Im exhausted from it but at least my bp is much better. Im willing to do anything to make my body as healthy as possible for a baby. Im starting to get very anxious/excited about starting treatment. Im counting down the days and feel like it is taking forever. I guess this is a good sign to my mental health :). DH and I still have our moments where we break down but we are now sometimes able to laugh about things that happened during the pregnancy. It was the best time of our lives.

Work can still be kind of hard. I have the co worker who was 4wks ahead of me and she just found out she is having a little boy. I admit it. Im jealous. Her belly is so cute. I find myself staring at it...I so hope she doesnt notice and think Im some creep LOL. In a way I was hoping she was having a girl b/c we have always felt our baby was a boy. Oh well. Also we have had some tragedies at work (fetal demises) and that has been very hard for me. One family was using our phone to make funeral arrangements and I was seriously having a panic attack. I just couldnt even imagine going full term and having something happen. I was a mess and I only knew my baby for 10wks. My brother and his wife have a close friend who lost a baby last year after a hard fight in the NICU for 5 months. Little Faith fought so hard but Our Lord had other plans. I was talking to my family about their friends. I just said please do not forget just to call and ask how they are doing. The silence is defening. Let them know that no one has forgotten their brave girl. If anything through this tragedy in my life maybe I can help others from feeling the way I have felt. 

Back to the spotting. DH got me to thinking b/c he said two words: Implantation bleeding. It was so faint and for only about 1 day. So now b/c Im a super freak I have been looking for signs. Im not gagging "yet" when I brush my teeth. After work yesterday I did gag on my way to the car and that made me think (I used to do this when I was pg). OK Im crazy LOL. That would just be beyond a miracle if that happened. I dont even want to think about it. DH wants me to test but I refuse. I will test when Im supposed to in July. 

Well this journal was just a bit of rambling since their really isnt anything new going on. Thank you all again for your support. I would have seriously been lost without you guys! Ive been kind of MIA but It was so nice to see the hugs and comments!