Gina45's Journal

I have been doing really well.  Taking my antidepressants which have worked wonders, still sober now for so long that I have stopped counting, working, moving house, getting closer to God again.  All good stuff.

My estranged husband is quite ill at home.  He drinks heavily regularly.  The weather is awful and I asked did he need anything bringing to him.  He mentioned a few items which I dropped by.  He had been drinking but that was nothing unusual. I heated up some food for him, checked he had all he needed and agreed to keep him company for a bit.

I ignored any loving words etc that came my way as I knew he would not remember later. 

He has a girlfriend who visits at weekends.  She lives 80 miles away so other than seeing her coat in the hallway, I rarely let her presence get to me anymore.  But I respect the boundaries of relationships even if theirs is an open one.

I cant tell anyone what he did to me tonight because all my friends and church folk made me promise not to go near him again.

It felt nice to be needed by him if only to bring him shopping.

Somehow, I actually trusted him.  He won't even remember today...I will never forget.

My fault, should have known better. He did apologise for "misbehaving".

I just feel really disturbed.

But most of all, I am so glad I don't drink anymore.  Alcohol destroys so much.