Gina45's Journal

I did something I did not think I could do.  I went on a date yesterday.  A very nice man took me out for the day, treated me wonderfully and although I did not respond as I might have wanted to, at least I went.  It felt weird and wonderful all at once and I think it means I may have moved on a little bit.

What was even more strange was that he drinks but he knows I don't and he knows more or less why I don't.  I didn't bore it home on a first date that I can't go back to drinking because I am an alcoholic, that is too personal and far too much to get into with someone I may never see again.

He was lovely and did not drink at all during our date.  Later on, when things got quieter, he did and he offered me one as well.  I let him pour it and I never touched it, I got a soft drink and sort of acted as if that one drink was just not there and chatted away, moving attention away from it.

I am so glad I didn't give in and what's more, I just did not want to.

My GP has given me tablets to take for the depression, but i don't want to do that either and have just looked at them.  Not sure what I will do about that.  But just for today, life has changed a little, the darkness has shifted some. I am still sitting indoors on a bright sunny day, curtains closed, watching movies alone, but I did try this week.  I did go out there into the world just a little bit.

Sober, still